Through the Seasons

Sorry for the absence!  Being here in the States telling our story so often makes me feel like if I then blog about it I’m being repetitive.  I realize not everyone is hearing the same story or the same answers to questions but from my perspective I’m talking about myself way too much these days.  I’ll try to recover and start blogging again.  And when I don’t see you here I’ll probably see you around. 

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Asher is at the age where he wants to do everything himself.  He is also the type of child who knows exactly where something goes and insists on putting it there.  That’s not to say he minds having toys all over the house.  He doesn’t!  So to feed off his tendencies and capabilities I organized his toys so that each thing has a somewhat obvious place of belonging.  I ask him where something belongs and he shows me.  The habit I’m trying to instill in him now is to put the toys up he’s finished playing with before he gets something else out.  The only issue with this is that he’s a very, very busy boy.  I’m trying to strike a balance where he is only asked to put toys away if he seems completely done and not just temporarily distracted.  My hope is that his attention span will improve some with this as well.  The one time that I am insistent that he picks toys up is when he simply throws them in the floor and walks off.  I don’t know what tempts him to do such things (besides being a 2 year old boy!) but I no longer want to let that slide.  It makes for a very messy house in a very short period of time.

There are other things he’s willing and capable of doing as well.  He puts the silverware away when I’m unloading the dishwasher and he helps to sort laundry and take things out of the dryer.  I’d like to begin teaching him to fold some small things like wash cloths and dishtowels.  I have begun to ask him to make up his bed in the mornings and he does this cheerfully.  He doesn’t do it perfectly or even particularly well.  The comforter is quite heavy and the bed is against the wall so it’s pretty tough but I put my hands behind my back to force myself not to straighten it out for him.

I’ve been told that heaps of praise are encouraging to little ones learning to do these things so I’m trying to always remember to thank him and commend him for jobs well done.  Of course he doesn’t have real chores or anything right now.  I just figure it’s never too early for him to learn these basic skills and I might as well take advantage of his “I can do it” attitude.

The hardest part for me is that it’s much easier and quicker for me to just pick the toys up myself.  I can fly through it.  When Asher does it he gets distracted about a hundred times (per minute – haha).  My hope is that the effort put forth now will pay off later.  When he wants to do things himself I always think he’s trying to take my job and I guess in some ways he is. 

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Probably the question we get asked the most (outside of “How long will you be here?”) is “What are you enjoying now that you missed while in Africa?”  So I thought I’d answer that here.

Most of the time when we’re asked that question people are referring to food.  Our answer is rarely, if ever, a food item.  I think the amount of care packages we received really helped in that area.

The one thing I am enjoying above everything else (not including family and friends) is having a closet and dresser.  In Mbeya we crammed our clothes on a small set of bookshelves.  It’s soooo nice to have a good place to put clothes!

We are both enjoying the paved roads.  Sometimes I would dread going anywhere in Mbeya because getting to and from our house was so bumpy and uncomfortable.  The only thing close here is speedbumps.

Having the household appliances (especially the washer, dryer, and dishwasher) is really nice as well.  Not to mention the limitless electricity and water supply!

One day, early on, I did marvel at the fact that I could get chocolate anytime, anywhere.  I could have it every single day!  It’s always available!  Even though food hasn’t been our biggest enjoyment there is some level of security in that fact. 

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The weirdest thing happened to me the other day at the drug store.  (Well maybe not the weirdest but I found it weird anyway.)

I was standing on one of the aisles trying to make a decision on what to buy while keeping Asher from picking up every single toy and bottle and tearing the packages apart.  I noticed someone standing at the end of the aisle so I glanced up.  It was the drug store security officer.  He was watching me with his hands on his hips.  I smiled and went back to business until I realized he wasn’t walking away.  I glanced up several times.  Finally he asked me if I was finding everything okay.

I think he thought I was trying to steal something!!

I told him I was fine so he reluctantly walked away but sort of kept tabs on me.  Do I look that shady?  Or maybe we were in a shady area (but I don’t think we were) or maybe I was looking at frequently stolen items.  I don’t know but it was so obvious that he was suspicious of me.

As I was leaving the store I thought, “Well he could have stood there all day long watching me because I wasn’t going to do anything wrong.”  At least I had that going for me.  If you aren’t doing anything wrong you don’t have anything to worry about I suppose.

But I still wonder if I look like a thief.  Hmmm…  Can someone really focus on stealing when they’re also keeping up with a 2 year old?  Seems like if I wanted to lift something from a store I’d leave the toddler at home.  But I’m not up on my shoplifting knowledge so I could be wrong…

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I’m now the car in the right lane going the speed limit and seemingly in no hurry to get anywhere.  I had forgotten how fast people drive here!  And not only that but you can just sense the urgency in everyone around you.  Where is everyone speeding off to I wonder.

It’s not like I don’t have anywhere to go but it just doesn’t much matter to me if I get there seconds, or even minutes, earlier.  I’ll get there eventually.  I do still hate being late.  Africa can’t take that away from me.  But what has changed is the thought that the world is going to come crashing down if I don’t get somewhere on time.  The person I’m going to meet will forgive me right?

And there are so many cars here.  Lanes and lanes and lanes of cars and cars and cars.  Not to say there was nothing on the roads in Tanzania.  There were.  People and animals mainly.  Of course there were cars but not so many and people just didn’t seem in too big a hurry to get where they were headed.

I think I’ll stick to my new way of driving.  At least I don’t have to worry about getting a ticket.  And if I’m late in meeting you please forgive me.  I’ve still got a little Africa in my thinking.

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Now that we have caught our breath and settled in I am really enjoying being in the States.  I have, on occasion, thought, “I want to go home.”  Which is also what I thought on occasion in Africa.  So where is home?  Ah, the missionary’s question.  I’ve talked to many long time missionaries and a common feeling is one of not having a real home.  Missionary kids have it even more intensely as they’ve never had a solid, stable home.

Although I feel settled in here I also feel temporary.  I’m looking at my time here and my next steps.  I don’t discount my stay here but I also know that this house isn’t my long-term house and our car isn’t our long-term car.  We joined a gym and told them up front that we’d be canceling after several months.  I took Asher to the doctor and we devised a plan to get him taken care of within the 6 months we’ll be here.  Everyone who sees us asks us how long we’ll be here.

But God says this is not our home.  Our citizenship is in heaven.  I feel that much more strongly now than I ever have.  I’m not Tanzanian.  I’m not Malian.  I AM American but not living in America as much as in other countries and when I’m here I don’t feel quite 100% American anymore.  I feel a bit like an oddball.

Maybe that’s how Christians should feel.  Since we’re in the world but not of the world…  Since we’re storing up treasures in heaven instead of on earth…  Since we’re focusing on things above, not things below…  To nonbelievers we probably do seem kind of strange.

But that’s okay!  It’s okay that I feel temporary in this world because I am.  My hope is in heaven.  My hope is in Jesus.  My hope is in my inheritance guaranteed to me by the giving of the Holy Spirit.  I welcome the sense of not fitting in anywhere on earth because there is one place I DO fit in and that’s in the family of God.  Which means no matter where I am I do fit in with his other children.  Whether I am in church in Africa or American I suddenly fit in somewhere and share a bond with the others around me.  Maybe that’s why I’ve enjoyed my church experiences so much.  There I feel closer to “home” than when I’m anywhere else.  Thank God for the blessing and privilege to be able to congregate with His other children.  And thank you to all of you for making us feel as much at home as we could here on earth.

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For the past week we’ve been traveling to see family.  It was a good trip and very good to see Asher enjoying his grandparents and we enjoyed them too.

One thing that has really come into focus just in the last couple weeks is how much Asher loves the water.  If we can always have him near water he’ll always be happy.  Well.  That’s how it is today anyway.  He has a kiddie pool here he plays in and LOVES.  He played on a water slide (like a slip and slide) at my mom’s then played in the creek and with the water hose at Jonathan’s parents’ house.  And those were all probably his most excited moments.  I think today after church we’ll get him an attachment for our water hose.  I’ve noticed a sprinkler outside that we could attach too.  He’d probably play with that most of the day.

Last weekend Asher went to (American) church for the first time (that he remembers).  My plan was to have him in church for about 10 minutes then take him out to run around then back in for another 10 and so on.  But he did really, really well and went for the entire service until just at the end when there was a “business meeting” type presentation and it was very quiet for a long time but by then he was a bit antsy.  We decided to let him escape to play on the playground.  I think if he realized what the alternative was to sitting in church he would have gotten antsy much sooner.  His best “entertainment” was animal crackers.  As long as he was eating he was still and quiet.  I made a mental note of that for sure!

Today is our next church experience but it will be here at Northside Baptist in Charlotte.  Per the pastor’s instructions we’re supposed to sit up front.  That should be interesting.    But I’ll be armed with quiet toys, a map to the playground, and when all else fails, Goldfish. 

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I just knew when I stepped into a big store with lots of options I’d be tempted to get one of everything.  So we went to Wal-Mart and, meh, not tempted.  We went again, still not tempted.  Then we went to Target.  Man oh man.  There’s something about Target that makes you want to take things home with you!  I stuck to the list though.  Mainly.  I should have written crayons, coloring book, and balloons on my list, mind you, so those things were still technically on there.

As far as food temptations we do tend to buy a “treat” every time we go to the store (which has been 3 times now).  I’ve gotten 2 York peppermint patties and a thing of Junior Mints.  Yes there’s a theme there.  You can’t get anything mint flavored in Tanzania (that I’ve ever found) so I had to experience that again!  Then there are restaurants.  I thought they would be more tempting than they are.  When we landed at the airport we went by Wendy’s.  But yesterday a good friend of mine took me out to a soda shop type place (Pikes uptown) and I got a fabulous burger, fries, and shake.  Yummy.

My biggest food temptation so far though has been fruit.  Man alive y’all can get some fruit here!!  In our fridge right now are the following:  pineapple, grapes, cherries, blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, watermelon, apples, and bananas on the counter.  Yumalicious!!

I have yet to step into a grocery store and I think that’ll be the real kicker for me.  I better go when I’m not hungry and when I’m armed with a list!

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That’s the best word for how I feel.  I don’t know why I didn’t expect this.  While I was in Mbeya anticipating the trip, I pictured myself going about things in my normal way.  But as much as I try to do that now I still don’t quite feel normal.  This happened after I had Asher too.  That was probably mainly due to hormones and sleep deprivation but there is also this time of adjustment.  All the sudden your life has completely changed and it takes a while for your mind to catch up.  The same thing now.  I still don’t feel culture shocked.  I just don’t have my same energy and focus that I normally do.  So if you see me anytime soon and think, “She seems different.”  It’s just because I haven’t gotten the cobwebs out of my head yet or my footsteps up to speed.  I feel like I’m running a race in slow motion and desperately trying to get on pace with the world around me.  I’ll get there.  This is only Day 4.

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It is our third morning in the States and the culture shock has yet to hit.  I have no idea if this is normal or why I feel this way at all.

The trip here was a long one.  We left Mbeya last Saturday morning and slowly made our way to Dar for our Wednesday morning flight.  Our arrival in Charlotte was at 8pm Thursday night.  That’s a lot of traveling!  When we landed we were very tired especially due to the fact that our bodies thought it was 3 in the morning and we were really hungry mainly due to the fact that airlines don’t give you much food on flights anymore and our layover in Chicago was so short we barely made our connecting flight so certainly didn’t have time to eat.

But the big question is: how did Asher do?  He did great!  He did get antsy a couple of times but overall he did really well and slept a bit on the plane too.  I kept thinking of how hard it is for me to sit through a 10 hour flight followed by an 8 1/2 hour flight followed by a 2 hour flight and had to imagine that for a 2 year old that has to be grueling.  Every time he could ask to run he did.  Poor thing.  I was very proud of him though because I know it was hard but he really pulled through.

So back to the culture shock.  I thought it would hit me like a ton of bricks but I’m still waiting for it to hit at all.  There are a few things that are catching me off guard.  One is how much it’s light during the day.  We were close to the equator so sunrise stayed around 7am and sunset stayed around 7pm.  When we were in London it was still light out at 10:30pm!  So I keep getting disoriented to the time of day because of it being light out when I’m used to it being dark.  Another thing is the length of skirts and dresses here.  It’s not that the people I’ve seen are provocative.  These are normal women in normal dresses.  In East Africa one of the worst things to show are your legs so everyone is always covered.  So I get back and see legs and it just takes me a second to think – oh right, that’s normal.

Otherwise the culture shock isn’t here that I’ve noticed.  We’ve been to Wal-Mart twice.  I thought the shock would hit there.  I thought it would hit when we drove on huge, smooth roads.  I thought it would hit when I zipped through laundry and dishes thanks to machines doing the work.  And those things have been nice but not shocking.  We’ll see how it goes over time though.  I’ve been here less than 3 days and have mainly been exhausted and jet lagged and focused on unpacking and settling in (which we did accomplish!).

I told a friend last night that being here just feels surreal at the moment.  It’s like watching my life from outside of myself.  Every once in a while I’ll think, “This isn’t really my life.” or “This isn’t really me.”  It’s like I was a different person there and now I’m not real sure who I am.  That may sound a little far-fetched and it may be hard to understand.  I don’t understand it myself.  But that’s how I feel today.  And it’s not a bad feeling.  I guess it’s just a bit of disorientation that is bound to happen during transition.

Overall I’m happy and content and I guess a bit numb too.  The only thing I wish right now is that I would go to sleep at night and wake up 8 hours later because I think a few full nights of sleep would really help.  So I pray those nights come soon.

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