Through the Seasons

Jonathan and I recently took a personality test.  My profile is an ISTJ: Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging.  When I looked up a description of this type of person I felt… pegged. 

Words describing an ISTJ: reliant, systematic, thorough, hardworking, responsible, compliant, dutiful, reserved, orderly, commited, cautious, serious, and dependable.  Like a Golden Retriever.  Well, except for the introvert part.

Here are a few other things I found:

They get the job done and complete it on schedule.  They work well within a structure, follow the hierarchy, and are particularly strong and careful in keeping track of facts and details.  They get things to the right place at the right time and honor their commitments. 

At work, they get things done on a timely basis.  They honor deadlines and believe in thoroughness.  They establish procedures and schedules.  They put duty before pleasure.  Their work does not have to be fun but has to count toward something productive. 

Leisure for ISTJ’s must be earned.  Leisure-time activities usually take place after work is accomplished.  Leisure needs to have a purpose and a result, a beginning and an end.  And they like to schedule their leisure time. 

(http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/istj.htm)

ISTJ’s have a keen sense of right and wrong.  Punctuality is a watchword for an ISTJ.  They seem to perform at highest efficiency when applying a step by step approach.  ISTJ’s are easily frustrated by the inconsistencies of others, especially when the second parties don’t keep their commitments.

(http://www.typelogic.com/istj.html)

Literal, concrete, rational, logical, quiet, reserved, organized, methodical, planner, capable, reasonable. 

Interested in security and peaceful living.  They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks.  They’re not comfortable breaking laws or going against the rules.  An ISTJ will work for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into doing any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal.  However, they will resist putting energy into things which don’t make sense to them, or for which they can’t see a practical application.  The ISTJ has little use for theory or abstract thinking.  ISTJ’s have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion.  They are hard workers who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties.  (ISTJ’s are task-oriented and don’t like being interrupted.)  They do not usually give themselves credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations. 

Under stress, ISTJ’s may fall into ‘catastrophe mode’, where they see nothing but what could go wrong.  They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably.

(http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html)

So, that’s me.  Pretty much.  There’s a lot more to me than just the above but that gives a good glimpse into how I think.  Not real exciting but important traits for someone to have, right?  I mean somebody’s got to do the bookkeeping, get the businessmen to their meetings, and pull the dreamers back down to earth.  I like to point out the facts.  Reality.  Cautions.  I’m a nightmare to creative people.

Personal quirks: 

I don’t like the food on my plate to touch and I eat one thing at a time.  I’m sort of a compartmentalizer.  So I don’t like stews, soup, or casseroles unless I know all the ingredients and that doesn’t always help.

I love lists.  I love marking things off my lists.  If I get a wordy explanation of how to do something I’ll break it down into a step 1, 2, 3 procedure.

I keep my office at work (when I’m working) very organized.  I clean it off and put everything away each afternoon.  At home – a different story.

Once I have my home set up I don’t change my furniture around.  If it’s not broken, don’t fix it. 

I don’t like surprises.  At all.  For any reason.

I love giving gifts, especially anonymously (because the ‘thank you’ attention embarasses me).  Receiving gifts makes me uncomfortable.  I don’t dislike it, mind you, but opening them with all eyes on me makes me nervous.

Too much attention in any situation will make me uneasy.

I need a certain amount of personal space, especially when I’m first getting to know someone.  If a person gets too close, too soon (physically and/or emotionally) I shrink into my little shell.

I’m a black/white, all/nothing, right/wrong thinker.  I like things to have a definite end and a concrete answer.

I don’t like the decision process.  I feel better when a decision has been made.

I’ll gather information on my husband’s profile and post that soon.  He’s an ENFP, the exact opposite of what I am. 

This should be interesting…

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FAVORITE CONTESTANT OF THE SEASON SO FAR:

The guy from Greenville, SC who has curly hair and a great sense of humor.  LOVE HIM.  He’s hilarious – and sang well too!

Other Contestants:

The young, blonde girl from Reidsville, NC.  Gotta pull for the hometown girl.  She’s an okay singer.  Her life sounds SO much like a country-western song.

Moments:

The exchange between Brandy, Simon and Randy.  That was so funny!  “Call me.”  Ha ha…

I’m just ready for the auditions to be over.  Let’s get this show on the road…

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Jonathan and I had a breakthrough last night. 

Someone at church asked what our prayer requests are.  Jonathan asked the man to pray for his back and for me to be able to relax.  And in that moment I realized something.  The way we work together (or don’t) is what is making me think I can’t rest.  Basically, I’ve taken the lead.  I’ve felt like, well, if he doesn’t step in I’ll just take over.  And (come to find out) he thought, well, if she’s going to take over, I don’t need to step in.

So I told him how much I NEED him to be my leader.  God made him to direct his family and He made me to help him.  I can make a list like nobody’s business but I can’t take the pressure of getting us to Tanzania.  So I handed off the responsibility to Jonathan and he gladly took it.

Everything that needs to get done may not happen the way I’d necessarily like or on my preferred timeline but I do know it will get done, if it’s truly important.  And if it doesn’t get done, life will go on.  I trust my husband completely and I’m glad to take that load off my shoulders that I should never have put there in the first place.

I’ll probably being doing just as much as I have been already but without dragging around the weight of making sure we’re BOTH on task.  I’ll help all I can but the ultimate responsibility isn’t on me anymore.  And it really isn’t on Jonathan either.  As long as we’re following God and being obedient, He will take us where He’s leading.  And that’s the ultimate source of peace.  He is faithful to do more than we can imagine.

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Jonathan said, “We WILL take Theo to Tanzania with us.”

I said, “You know what just happened in my brain.  That was my guarantee and I’m no longer worried about it.”

Jonathan said, “Good.  We’ll make it happen.”

So that’s settled then.  I’m not sure how but he said it would happen so it will.  No more ‘maybe’ or ‘I hope’. 

Just know that if something unforeseen happens where we don’t end up taking him, I’ll be a mess. 

So.  I started walking the dogs.  Remember?  Well.  It hasn’t happened again since that first time.  It’s cold outside!  Yuck.  But somehow I need to brave the weather and start back up again.

As for Teddy, I’m not sure he’ll be able to go.  It’s not looking good for him.  But I’m still holding out hope.  We’ll see what happens.  I don’t have it in me to think about it right now.  In the words of Scarlett O’Hara, “Fiddle-dee-dee, I’ll worry about that tomorrow.”

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I posted recently about how Jonathan and I seem to work in opposite ways.  Well, last night we each took the Myers Briggs personality test.  We are absolute opposites.  So no wonder we don’t work in the same way!  I have found many things that will help me understand him better but one question, in particular, stood out.  He answered that inspiration motivates him much more than a logical argument.

That explains a lot.

When we plan to do anything, I will outline step by step how it is to be done after stating my case for why this is important. 

I might as well talk to myself.

So, I’m supposed to inspire him.  Inspiration isn’t my thing.  Realism is.  I really don’t know the first step in how to do this.  (But please tell me there is a step by step solution!)

This isn’t a coincidence though.  God put us together and will help us to learn about each other.  By being with someone so different it also makes you exercise parts of yourself that you don’t realize exist.  Through learning and trying and bending, we will grow tremendously.

After the test last night I told Jonathan that I love that he’s different.  (Although some of our differences cause me stress and strain.)  What if he were exactly like me?  I’d immediately be bored.  I would have met him and said, “Oh.  I know what you’re all about.”  But now I have the opportunity to spend a lifetime learning who he is and how he thinks.  It’s really exciting! 

Just last week we had an experience that I now understand better.  I like to be punctual and Jonathan doesn’t value punctuality much.  Not that he totally disregards it and purposes to be late.  He just doesn’t plan ahead in order to make sure he’s on time.  This is one of my stressors.  The other night we left late and it was going to keep us from running 2 errands that I wanted to get done that night.  In my frustration I just told him how I felt.  I didn’t accuse or get mad.  I just told him that being on time is important to me and that running those 2 errands was important to me and now because we left late none of that was going to happen.  Looking back I realize that I felt hurt and disregarded.  He immediately resolved to try his best to leave on time from now on.  I was shocked. 

The personality test we took showed that Jonathan values people above logic.  (Surely not!?)  So when I told him that it was important to me, his ears perked up.  He decided that he would do whatever it took to put me before his tendency to run late.  I could have given him a very detailed logical argument for why it’s best to be punctual but he would have become defensive and demotivated.

So, I’m learning!

Here’s the real problem though.  And it’s a scary one.

When we get to Africa, Jonathan’s going to have to teach me how NOT to be punctual.  He’s going to have to teach me how to put people before logic and tasks.  He’s going to have to teach me how to embrace life instead of a schedule.

That actually sounds kind of fun, doesn’t it?  I’m so grateful that God gave me a husband who will challenge me and cause me to grow.  There are many things about him that I admire.  I pray I never take those for granted or try to change him into something he’s not.  I want to love our differences as we love each other, not in spite of them, but because of them.

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Maybe the most any of us can expect from ourselves isn’t perfection but progress.

~Michelle Burford

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I met a woman yesterday who is in the same boat that I am.  Her and her husband are raising support to serve overseas.  She talked about how her husband was laid back and she was uptight.  Then she said that even when she’s not busy, she still wants to appear busy.

Gulp.  Don’t you hate it when you hear something negative that you can relate with?

I didn’t realize that a bigger goal for me was to appear busy than to actually be busy.  But it’s true.  She said she does it to get affirmation.  I’m not sure of my reward.  It relieves the guilt.  I mean, if I take a nap, obviously I’m doing nothing constructive (because resting between busy periods is inconsequential, right?).  But if I’m pecking away at the computer I sort of trick myself into feeling productive, when I’m doing nothing more than I would be if I were sleeping.  And in fact, I may be doing less because I’m continuing to spin my wheels instead of allowing my body and mind to take a break and replenish themselves. 

Now that I’m aware of this I’d like to know what I’m gaining out of it.  Relieving the guilt but what else?  There are times that I’m just reading blogs and checking the news but because I appear busy I feel okay about that.  If I were to sit on the couch even for a moment I immediatly begin feeling anxious and unproductive.  But it’s all about appearances. 

So that’s my research project now.  To see what all this is stemming from.  I’m not going to make a lot of effort to figure this out.  I feel like God brought this to my attention and in His timing He will teach me.  I am aware and will continue to be so that God can lead me through this.  He’s good about doing that and I trust Him completely. 

(This is not to say I’m never busy.  I have a full schedule.  It’s in the moments that I don’t have something pressing to do that I tend to read the news or the blogs I subscribe to instead of just chilling out for a few minutes.  That’s the issue we’re talking about here.)

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I have found I have a very hard time saying ‘no’. 

Today a lady here at JAARS called and asked if I could babysit for one of the trainers.  I was just about to walk out to volunteer at Elevation Church.  I tried to figure out how I could be in Waxhaw babysitting and in Indian Trail doing accounting at the same time.  No matter how many times I turned it over in my mind I couldn’t figure out how to do both so I had to say ‘no’ to babysitting.  I had already committed my time to Elevation.

If I would have said ‘yes’ to babysitting, I would have been saying ‘no’ to volunteering at the church.  The Pastor of Elevation once told us that he used to think he had a hard time saying ‘no’ but then he realized that each time he overcommitted himself, by saying ‘yes’ to many, he was saying ‘no’ to others.  If he did everything asked of him, he would be saying ‘no’ to his wife and son a lot.  To his credit, that is unacceptable to him. 

We don’t realize we’re doing it though.  We think saying ‘yes’ to everyone is the best thing.  But it’s not.

I’m thinking the way to determine when to say ’yes’ and when to say ‘no’ is by prioritizing.  I need a certain amount of time with my husband and a certain amount recharging my batteries but what’s going to happen if I commit to others and crowd out that time?  There are no immediate consequences which makes it easy to disregard.  The effects do come later though.  We can’t pretend we can do it all.  We can’t try to do it all. 

By blocking out our time we will be at our best in all of our activities instead of running around on fumes.  Our attitude to people will be more pleasant and resentment won’t have a foothold.  I still say it’s hard to say ‘no’ when asked for something but if I can begin to realize that by telling someone ‘yes’, I have said ‘no’ to something or someone else, I think that may help to relieve the false guilt and enable me to pour myself wholly and gladly into all I do. 

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Today is the first day of the rest of an obedient pooch’s life. 

Per Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, the order of things is Exercise, Discipline, and THEN affection.  I can safely say I’ve had these out of sync.  Way out of sync.  But, in order to take GOOD dogs with me to Africa, I will do my best to get things back in line and become Pack Leader.

So I took the dogs for a walk yesterday.  I took them each separately for about 25 minutes each.  It went pretty well.  Teddy is much better behaved than Theo.  Teddy wants to look around a lot.  Theo wants to run ahead.  Dominate Poodle I call him.  Cesar says that when you regularly walk your dog, and control the walk, they will learn you are the leader.  So hopefully I can keep this up and they will get the idea.

Then I went on to discipline.  Here’s the problem.  Theo just does whatever he wants to do.  But what he wants to do is usually what I want him to do, i.e. jumping and lying on me.  I like it.  What can I say?  But, per Dog Whisperer, they need rules, boundaries, and limitations.  Limitations?  My dogs balk at the word!  I’m trying though so I don’t let Theo jump up on me now until I invite him.  When I tell him to sit he throws his little butt down and stares up at me trembling.  This is going to be harder than I thought.

The third on the list is affection.  I don’t need help in this area.  I’ve got it down pat.

So that was my first day of rehabilitating my dog, training myself.  I’ll keep you posted. 

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I don’t know where they’re showing American Idol auditions from tonight.  I haven’t seen the previews.  But it’s 7:56 and I’m getting ready to tune in.  Here we go…

Ah.  New York.

Contestants that I like:

- Although I don’t advocate telling your parents you’re at your friend’s house in Ohio and instead going to New York to audition for American Idol (on National TV) and then calling your parents out (on National TV), I liked that girl and hope she does well.

- The 16-year old African-American guy adopted by the Bolivian family.  It was cute to see him and his mom together.  Aww…

- Nicholas – the guy who bowed out during group rounds last year and had enough drive and humility to come back this year.  He may be my absolute favorite right now!!

Other Moments:

- Okay, the best friends.  Gag me. 

- I don’t like the Queen of England girl.  Ugh.  Too haughty.

There were A LOT of good people we didn’t get to see.  I wish the balance between the good and bad was a little more even.  But, we should be at least half way through auditions.  I’m ready for the Hollywood rounds to begin!

What stood out to you on tonight’s show?  Who are your favorites?

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