Through the Seasons

When Jesus said “Go, make disciples of all nations” it sounded so simple.  I sort of envisioned us just telling a missions agency we want to go, buying plane tickets, and going. 

I’m learning it’s a lot more complicated than that.

The application process was extensive and training was intense.  Selling our house and finding a new place to live was stressful.  But we got through it all and here we are.  We know where we’re going so now it’s just a matter of buying those plane tickets and going.

Not quite.

We’re starting to get instructions from Tanzania.  Immunizations, paperwork, visas, work permits…  I haven’t even gotten through all the details of what we need to get together.  In fact I plan to take everything that’s been sent to me and make myself a checklist.  Otherwise I just can’t follow it.  I love a step 1, step 2, step 3 kind of process. 

Then there’s getting the dogs to Tanzania.  Of course, Jesus didn’t say “Go with your dogs”.  He just said “Go”.  We’ve brought this extra complication on ourselves but it’ll be worth it.  I’m convinced.  We have to change planes multiple times so we aren’t just checking plane policy for one airline but many.  If we do get this worked out we have one other problem.

My poodle is spoiled.  (My Llasa Apso may not be able to go at all.  It looks like his size prohibits him from being in the cabin and because he is a short snout breed, the airline doesn’t allow him to be in the cargo during summer months – the time we’ll be flying.)  So from now until we leave we have to teach Theo discipline so he’ll behave on the flight(s).  Once we get through all that we have to figure out where he’ll stay while we’re in orientation.

Is it worth all this?

I still say it is. 

So.  My goals this week are: walk the dogs every day for an ample amount of time, begin disciplining them, sort through documents and create a checklist of things to do before leaving.

There are still times I wish it was simple but I’m sure God is teaching me through all this.  I’m too close right now to see what that is but I know that nothing is wasted in God’s economy so He will use every moment and situation to teach His children. 

You can pray for us during this time.  I don’t feel stressed or overwhelmed right now and would love for the anxiety never to come up.  I just feel completely disorganized.  After a little effort, that situation should be resolved. 

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We successfully taped our show.  Hooray!  Here we go… 

Favorite contestants from tonight’s American Idol:

Sundance Head (can you believe that’s his name?) who sang the blues

Danny the blonde girl with the blues-y voice

I hope the lack of confidence girl blossoms during the show

New Daddy (he put his baby before AI – oh yeah!)

Too many favorite and funny moments to mention.  Anything stand out to you?

Oh I just remembered one.  What did that one guy pull out of his pants?  Gross!

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American Idol is set in Memphis tonight.  You’d think they’d find talent there and by the previews it looks like they do.  I’m relieved.  Too much of the ‘bad’ wears me out.  At some points I laugh but at others I cringe. 

The people who go all out, knowing they’re terrible, just to get their 15 minues (or seconds) of fame are ridiculous. 

The ones who really think they’re good and aren’t sometimes make me feel sorry for them.  Although sometimes it is sort of funny, especially if they walk off saying “You haven’t seen the last of me.  Simon doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  When’s the last time he made a hit record?  I don’t care what he thinks.”  Thirty seconds before they cared a lot about what he thought – and he’s not auditioning.  Puleeze…  But if the person walks off crying, I’m toast. 

During the auditions it’s really the good ones I’m looking for.  I want to start pulling for people NOW.  I’m really ready for this part to be over so I can listen to them sing, hear what the judges say (Randy doesn’t change it up much, Paula loves everyone – or used to, and I usually agree with Simon – in principle), and cast my vote.  Yes.  I vote.  At first I didn’t.  But then the shoo-in contestant would get kicked off and I really think it’s because EVERYBODY thought EVERYBODY ELSE was voting for them so THEY didn’t.  Remember Tamyra Gray on the first season?  She should have won the whole thing.  She was fantastic.  But she got voted off early causing major AI drama. 

But tonight I won’t be able to watch AI right away.  We have a church event to go to.  (On AI night of all times!!)  So we’re going to tape it.  Like on a VCR.  Gulp.  Pray for us to set it right and for it to record and for the President’s State of the Union address not to interrupt it.  (Okay, don’t really pray for any of that.)  Since tonight has tons of talent, per the previews, I hope I don’t miss it!  But if I do, you’ll catch me up to speed.  Right? 

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Now that Jonathan and I can control our own schedules, we’ve been totally over-booked.  No one thing seems like too much but then I put them all together and realize it’s totally overwhelming.  The truth is we love volunteering, helping, and serving.  It’s very easy to over-commit.  So, we created a rule for ourselves.  When someone asks us to do something we tell them we’ll get back to them.  That gives us time to look at our calendar and see what kind of impact it will have. 

The request is sometimes presented as, “Do you have plans next Thursday night?”  Well, I could pull up Outlook and see that I’m free but that may be the ONLY night that week we’re NOT doing something so in reality I do have plans – I plan on not going out. 

I’ve also realized how our time now between training and leaving looks to those on the outside.  I’ve had people ask for help saying that we may be bored because we don’t have anything to do.  I don’t get upset at this.  It just helps me to understand how people may interpret our current role.  I just have to learn how to manage my own time, set priorities, and only make commitments I can follow through with and not get burnt out in the process.

I thought about this busy-ness factor recently and realized that if I did, each day, what God wanted me to do, it wouldn’t be too much.  So, if I am over-booked and overwhelmed it’s my own fault.  Sometimes I do things because I think I ’should’ or to please someone or to live up to expectations (internal or external).  But if I weigh everything through what God is asking of me and focus on pleasing Him only I will be fulfilled, energized, and NOT over-booked.

Now that we’ve gotten through the last couple of weeks it’s better.  We had to go through that experience to realize how easy it is to do TOO MUCH of a GOOD thing.  I love everything I’m doing right now.  I just need to spread it out so that I also have time for my husband and myself.  I need the chance to recharge and renew so I can be at my best in everything I do.  That can’t be neglected.  Left to my own devices, I’ll always have too much going on.  Left up to God, my time will be used wisely and balance will be achieved.  That makes the choice easy, doesn’t it?

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I heard recently of a girl who, when something difficult is approaching, says, “It’ll soon be over.”  That’s along the same lines as, “This too shall pass.”  I’ve only heard that in very bad, tragic, sad situations so I can’t quite make that fit.  Instead I’m trying to adopt the same idea in another way.  When I want to get stressed out I’ve started saying, “Well, it’ll either get done or it won’t.”  In other words, the world won’t come crashing down if everything on my ‘to do’ list doesn’t get done.  Amazing revelation, right?  I really do tend to approach ‘work’ as if it’s life or death.  No wonder my husband can’t relate.  Mr. Laid Back who, when running terribly late, doesn’t pick up his pace even a fraction of a second. 

A counselor I had once said that I had a “strange work ethic”.  I totally disagreed.  I have never thought I “over-worked” at all.  In fact, more often than not, I’ve considered myself lazy.  During my years of having a job I had definite boundaries around it.  At 8 on the dot I’d get to the office and at 5 on the dot I was out the door.  So, not exactly a workaholic.  But that’s not where my work ethic comes out.  It’s the frantic pace and anxious manner in which the work is done.  If someone asks me to do something I do it THAT SECOND.  At my last job I had to turn off the email notification because when an email came in I read it right away, and if something was asked of me I stopped what I was doing and got that accomplished instead. 

So, I’m beginning to see my strange work ethic.  It’s thinking that I have to do everything expected of me.  It’s expecting myself to get everything done right away which sometimes means doing many tasks simultaneously (not always possible).  It’s getting overwhelmed because I feel I need to make phone calls, write thank you notes, clean the house, do my laundry, plan the week, make a grocery list, and get ready for my ‘lunch date’ RIGHT NOW.  It’s sitting down in the evening and feeling jittery inside until I’m up doing something again.  It’s trying to read a novel and not being able to get the dirty dishes out of my mind.  It’s cleaning the bathrooms at 11:00 at night (really happened).  It’s thinking I am in complete control and if I let up for a second mayhem will ensue.

It’s not even that I have the energy for this.  I don’t.  That’s why I get edgy sometimes.  I tend to wear myself out.  Not good.  But what’s worse is that I’ve expected Jonathan to have this same work ethic.  He can take a nap in the afternoon and not feel the least bit bad about it.  And really he becomes more productive for the rest of the day.  I just keep pushing through until I’m totally burnt out.  I’m not sure why I thought my way was better.  I have tried taking on his approach but when I lie down I can’t relax and I get right back up.  The only day I can peacefully nap is on Sunday afternoons.  Outside of that it seems sinful. 

So, I confess.  I have an out-of-whack work ethic that I’ve tried to put on those around me.  I repent of my evil ways and resolve to rest inwardly – to cease from my striving.  Much to my dismay, I don’t keep the world spinning.  I hereby release control and do only what God wants me to do that day.  And my to do list either gets done or it doesn’t.  I get all my thank you notes written today or I don’t.  The house either gets cleaned up today or it doesn’t.  And Jonathan either gets his committments done this week or he doesn’t.  If he doesn’t, we move forward with life.  God said we would try to rule our husbands, didn’t He?  I repent this day of my desire to control his to do list as well as mine.  I hereby declare him to be the head of this household.  I rely on him and his leadership.  I trust his judgment and that God will keep us both in line.  What a relief to take that responsibility off my shoulders.  If us ladies would really look at the man’s role and our role we’d be glad to be off the hook. 

I am, from this day forward, my husband’s helper suitable.  Lord, enable me to be helful and suitable.  Empower me to be the wife you want him to have and give me inward rest from this day forward.  Thank you for making me a woman and giving me a wonderful husband who loves me the way Christ loves the church.  Thank you for a man who is wise, godly and completely willing and able to lead me.  Help me to let him be the man You have made him to be.  Amen.

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Americans have watches.  Africans have time.

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Have you ever felt like you were in exactly the right place at exactly the right time?  That’s how I feel right now. 

Throughout this process I’ve rushed from one thing to the next.  I never enjoyed where I was but instead looked to the future wishing it was already here.

But not now.  I feel like God has me here, in this exact moment, as part of His plan.  I don’t think my sense of fulfillment, as far as my calling, comes from actually going to the mission field but in saying ‘yes’ when He asked me.  Just the fact that I’m on the path He set before me brings me peace and satisfaction. 

I want to stay on this course and watch Him fulfill the rest of His plans.  I’m just along for the ride enjoying the view.  Life really is more pleasant, purposeful, and exhilirating from the place of obedience and fellowship with the Father.

I’m glad to be where I am and on the path to where I’m going. 

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Since July, when I quit my full-time job, Jonathan and I have been on the same missions track.  That means we’ve been together pretty much 24/7.  In October we moved into the RV which means now we are in very close quarters together 24/7.  I wondered how we’d adapt to this but we’ve done really well.  We tend to get along and enjoy each other’s company a lot.  Both of us have ‘quality time’ as our primary love language.  (God knew what He was going to throw us into!) 

Before you roll your eyes and call us newlyweds (which, technically, we’re not) hear me out.

Although we have a lot in common we have some differences.  No.  Not differences.  Extreme opposites.  The main one that keeps coming up these days is our approach to ‘work’.  Because of the fact that we have one common goal (to get to the mission field) and since we’re going to Africa as a team, we are working on support-raising TOGETHER, but unfortunately in OPPOSITE ways.  We have yet to figure this out. 

I tend to be an uptight, anxious, never think I’ve done enough, feel guilty if I ’stop’, everything needs to be done right away kind of worker.  Jonathan, as I said, is the opposite.  So what is that…  laid-back, worry-free, only does as much as necessary, relaxes when needed, waits to the last minute to do things…  If I’m being honest, I will admit that I believe my way is the best way.  If I didn’t think it was the best way, I wouldn’t adopt it, protect it, and defend it so ferociously. 

I am beginning to realize that I could learn some things from him, mainly how to relax, have fun, and enjoy life.  I’m afraid sometimes that I’ll come to the end and wonder what I worked so much for.  But, I’m learning.  Sometimes.  It’s when we’re in the thick of needing to get something done that our ways collide and I go bezerk.  It doesn’t, of course, get to him at all.  He’s laid-back.  Which makes me crazier.  Surely, it’s better this way.  If we were both uptight – well – that wouldn’t be good, would it?  We’d probably get a lot done but we’d never laugh or enjoy the journey.  On the other hand, we do, in fact, have to get some things done.  (You can see my dilemma.)

Wayne Teague, a Sunday school class leader and very godly man (who has been married a very long time) said something to me Sunday that has really stuck with me.  “Our differences tend to be one person’s strength and the other person’s weakness so it could balance us out as a team but it tends to, instead, cause tension.”  Bingo!  That’s it!

So, I have certain strengths (scheduling, accomplishing tasks, planning, efficiency, time management…) that Jonathan doesn’t have.  Jonathan has certain strengths (creativity, problem-solving, stess management, flexible…) that I don’t have.  The question is this: how do we balance each other out, work together, and accomplish what we need to do (without taking on too much)?

I’d love to end with what we’ve learned and how we’ve overcome these differences but we have just begun.  This is part of our journey…

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Favorite Quotes:

Simon, “I’m not being rude, but…”

Simon, “What makes you unique?”  Software Engineer from Salt Lake City area, “I don’t have a good answer for that but I just like to think I’m a lot different from anyone else.” 

Venezuelan from L.A., “Simon’s over it.  He’s had a bad day.”

Simon, when told he should give a bad contestant singing lessons, “It would be like coaching a one-legged man to win the 100-meter sprint.”

What I thought was fake:

Come on.  This can’t be for real.  Can it?

Favorite contestants from Seattle:

Indian siblings

Venezuelan from L.A.

16-year old girl who sang a Celine Dion song

Favorite Moments:

When the good singers are belting it out with all their hearts and Simon is staring off into space.

Kenneth and Jonathan.  Start to finish.  Too funny.

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Okay, you know I have to break away from the norm and post an American Idol series.  Because this stuff is important.  Well.  At least it’s entertaining. 

From Minneapolis:

Quotable Quotes:  (all happen to be from Simon)

“That is absolutely categorized under pointless.”

“Even the juggling was pathetic.”

“Look at the bright side.  At least now you know you won’t ever be a singer.  You can move on.”

Favorite contestants so far:

Shakira girl

crack baby girl

16 year old boy who cried and when talking to his mom said, ’she’s proud of me’

There were other good ones too but those few stuck out the most to me.  How about you?  Thoughts?  Opinions?  Favorite contestants?  Favorite moments?

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