Through the Seasons

What is wrong with me?

As I’ve said before, Jonathan and I do things very differently.  In our support-raising efforts I took over with my planning skills and ran the show.  I got a lot of resistance because I was running a pretty tight ship – inflexible, about to break kind of tight.  So, I repented of my unsubmissive ways, Jonathan took back over the lead around here, and peace reigns.

So, what’s wrong with me then?

It’s like I have no energy lately.  The support raising work is going fine, I suppose.  We’re not as busy as we used to be.  It’s better, I believe.  But it’s almost like having nothing to run or organize or plan… I’ve lost the ability to think about anything.  It’s sort of depressing. 

Every time I see a tax prep commercial I think, I need to call the Wycliffe tax guy to get ours done.  But I haven’t actually called him yet.  A friend left a message on my cell phone the other day.  I have yet to call her back either.  We’re meeting with a couple next week and I have some decisions to make before then.  I just don’t have the mental capacity for it.  Ugh…  I’ve still been volunteering at the church and I’m fulfilling my commitments (of course) but something just seems to be missing. 

Maybe I’m feeling this way today in particular because I got up early to exercise and I’m just plain tired.  Or maybe I just need a goal to work towards.  I love progress and I guess right now I’m not personally working towards a goal.  I’m just sort of along for the ride.

I think my lack of energy is actually a lack of motivation.  Anybody got anything they want me to do?  Like a project.  Ooo, better yet.  Anybody got a goal they’re working towards and need someone to organize an execution plan?  I can create a thorough ’to do list’ and a pretty spreadsheet! 

Really.  I’ll be fine.  I’m not a human doing.  I’m a human being.  I can live through what I perceive as an unproductive time.  God is working.  Jonathan is working.  I’m helping.  Things are happening.  Our support level is increasing.  Praise God for His faithfulness and for His way of doing things… and for His way of living…