Through the Seasons

Goals: Good or Bad?

Maybe goals don’t agree with me.  I don’t like to float through life either but I do a pretty good job of progressing on things without defining what I want to get done.  So do I need to set goals at all?

If I make a list of tasks I want to accomplish, it sets me in motion that moment so I can mark those things right back off my list.  Man, do I love that feeling.

I printed out a “Bible in a Year” reading schedule and just the action of marking off my progress sent me into a pace where I finished the Bible in about 5 months instead of 12.  Now, Jonathan and I have begun another reading schedule and I’m determined to stick to the plan and not read ahead (well, not read very far ahead anyway).  It’s very hard not to start speeding forward.

For our preparation for Africa we set up a white board listing what we need to do before leaving.  Jonathan’s items are in blue, mine in pink, and ours together in green.  Honestly there’s not much pink on there (too bad, because it would be prettier if there was).  It’s not because I’m not doing anything.  It’s because the moment something comes up I want is done right then and I set out to accomplish it.  Things just don’t sit on my ‘to do’ list long.

But my current situation is a completely different one.  I decided to send the Christian novels I have that I’ve already read to a friend.  Once I sorted through those, I shifted my focus to my ‘yet-to-be-read’ books.  I decided to get a couple more books read so I could go ahead and send them to her too.  I need to send them off by the middle of next month. 

Once I set that goal everything changed for me.  I picked a book I thought she’d like and began reading it yesterday – and finished it today – and immediately put it in ‘her’ pile and chose another book she may like – and got through the first 4 chapters. 

But I just noticed something.

My heart is racing.  I’m reading noticeably fast. 

Before you think I’m crazy.  It takes a lot of insight to realize what’s going on and a lot of transparency to admit it – online.

So what is going on?  What do I do with these goals I set?  Or do I continue setting goals at all?  All the sudden it’s not about enjoying a book, it’s about progressing, it’s about getting through it, it’s about getting through as many as possible as soon as possible. 

Is that how I’m reading the Bible too?  I really try to read slowly and soak it up.  But it’s definitely a concerted effort.

Maybe I should make that kind of effort in other areas of my life too.

We’re currently preparing to move to Africa as missionaries.  (Excuse me a second while I let that sink in…)  We’re doing this once in a lifetime thing.  We’re living a dream – not everyone’s dream – our dream.  We’re fulfilling our calling – our calling from God.  Am I enjoying it?  Or am I only focused on getting to the end of each step - accomplishing the needed tasks…  I won’t answer that…

I know I talk about this task oriented thing a lot.  It’s quite the struggle for me.  I’ll be fine though, of course,  The Lord is faithful to teach me and to cover my weaknesses. 

Someone told me recently that I need to relax more so I don’t end up burning out on the field.  My response was that I feared lapsing into a lazy existence.  What if I move too far the other direction and end up in an idle lifestyle?  My friend assured me that most likely that was impossible.  Impossible?  Okay.  I concede that point.

So here’s what I’m thinking.  (Gotta find a solution, of course.)  Maybe I should make a concerted effort to slow myself down, notice the blessings and experiences in my current life, enjoy the journey, and not get so focused on progress.  We can only progress so far, right?  At some point it all ends and that endpoint is completely out of our control.  But what if I also had a good time and looked around and said, ‘wow, what a ride we’re on’.  Now that sounds like a good goal.  I think I’ll get on that…

And Nat, if you’re reading this, no need to worry that sending you books is causing me a nervous breakdown.  Ha ha…  God will use every situation to teach, humble, and guide – and I’m grateful for that.  And as far as the speed reading that’s causing me a speedy pulse.  I won’t be doing that anymore.  I’d hate to have a heart attack and you never get any of the books.