Control Freak in Chaos

The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with advent of commercial airlines.  ~Henry J. Tillman

My head is so full of things I feel all mixed up.  There’s so much going on!  I think I have it all under control and then I find out there’s yet another thing to add to my list of things to do - so I end up adding more and not taking off very many.  It’s really exhausting.  I wonder if I’m suffering the same thing Jonathan mentioned in his latest prayer request.  Maybe I too am trying to do it all on my own.  And really, what’s the big deal if I happen to forget something…or not accomplish everything as prompt as I normally would?  And so what if my house is disorganized and messy?  At this point who could blame me?  There’s a lot more to this move than I realized and, much to my horror, I never could have completely prepared myself for where I am now.  One day at a time…  Do I keep saying that??

Here are our little VIPs in their brand new kennels.  When we got the crates out of the shipping box we acted excited and happy (as if we got them a new toy) and let them explore as Jonathan assembled each one.  They easily went right in (and stayed) on their own and we rewarded them with treats.  We even shut the things up without any fuss.  So far, so good.

Now we have them sitting in the living room floor with their favorite blanket in and around the openings.  Every once in a while they’ll look (actually smell) them over, get in, come out…  Hopefully they’ll associate them with a positive experience and do well on the entire trip over.  The plan is to close the dogs up in the kennels every once in a while to get them used to that and eventually we even want to move the kennels around with the dogs in them.  By the time they’re ready to be shipped over, they should be okay with the whole process. 

In fact, Theo just went into Teddy’s crate, dug himself a bed, curled up, and went to sleep.  Awww…  I’m feeling better about this already…

We’re told to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and what better prayer to offer throughout every day:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  ~Psalm 139:23,24

This passage encompasses so much and most of my battles are internal, of the heart.  So I pray that the Lord searches, knows, tests, changes, and leads me.  As hard as it is to confront the anxious thoughts and offensive ways, it’s harder to be trapped in them.  Acknowledging and repenting is an attack on the pride but my desire is truly to be led in His ways because His ways lead to light, life, and freedom.

I’ve begun learning two new crafts.  Cross-stitch and scrapbooking.

I learned to cross-stitch when I was a kid and thought I’d pick it back up.  Well.  I must have been doing kiddie ones too because it’s harder than I remember.  The actual cross-stitching itself isn’t hard but keeping up with the more complex patterns is…and I want to turn my photos into cross-stitch patterns.  But.  Those patterns look extremely complicated so I think I should get my feet wet a bit first. 

One of the things we’re asked to take with us is a small gift for our Tanzanian host family.  I’m cross-stitching a little picture that they can display in their home.  (Apparently, they like things like that.)  I think I can finish the task but not in the amount of time the project suggests is feasible.  They call it a “weekend project”…  Yeah, right.  But that’s okay.  I have a couple months to finish it.  Hopefully it won’t take that long though!

The other craft is scrapbooking.  I’m trying to get into that without losing my mind.  Have you seen this stuff?  Go into a craft store to the “scrapbook” section.  Rows and rows and rows later you’ll be overwhelmed - if you’re new to it anyway.  The store I went into had multiple rows of just stickers!  So I’m meeting with a couple people and finding out what I really need and then going from there.

My one concern with scrapbooking was that it wouldn’t be sustainable on the field.  To my surprise I learned of a craft store in Tanzania that was started by a British missionary to help deaf and disabled people.  These people make colored recycled paper, journals, and other craft supplies.  This store is in the town where we’ll be doing language school and about 5 hours from our permanent location.  That’s actually quite reasonable for us. 

There are a few reasons I’m getting into crafts.  One, for my own entertainment and stress relief.  But a hope I have is to use these things to minister to or interact with the people there.  I envision having a group of ladies over to do a little scrapbook or something.  I really believe the ladies there will also have their own crafts they can share with me.  I’m excited about that!

I’m not generally a crafty person but so far I’ve enjoyed learning about scrapbooking (and I love the idea of preserving my memories in a beautiful way) and trying my hand at cross-stitch.  There’s no telling what God can do with such simple skill sets. 

Our friends, Neil and Anita, just left for their first assignment in France.  Although I’ve been reading their blog for a long time, now I’m devouring their posts.  I love feeling like I’m right there with them during the trip over, the settling in, the new adventures and discoveries, the experiences trying to get things done in a foreign land…  I love feeling like I’m a part of it and I can’t wait to see what happens with them next.  I don’t think it would be as interesting to me if I had just picked up with them and they were already 10 years on the field.  It’s been interesting watching the whole thing unfold.

And I wonder if that’s how our partners feel too.  A friend (and partner) said to me today that we’re “her on the mission field” and it’s true!  Through partnering with us she’s going herself.

I’m taking mental notes of the Moree’s blog and hope to bring you all with us as well as they’ve done with their friends, family, and partners.  Check them out and see what it’s like picking up and moving your family to France.  Beautiful pictures too!

Time is going by so fast I can’t keep up…

Our visa documentation is in process and should be complete well before we arrive in country.

One more Typhoid pill and I’m done with my Stateside immunizations.

Our plane tickets have been purchased.

The first box has been packed.

I’m cross-stitching a picture as a gift for our Tanzanian host family during orientation.

But there’s still so much to do that I’m just going to have to give up trying to make sure I remember and keep track of it all.  I think it’s pretty well under control.  It’s just the speed at which everything is approaching us that’s causing my head to spin. 

What am I feeling?

Mainly an adrenaline rush.  Some anxiety with all these little details floating around.  A ton of excitement.  Some sadness - very bittersweet.  And right this minute… exhaustion.

G’night.

At the end of the day, I’d rather be disliked for who I am than liked for who I’m not.  ~Mark Batterson

I don’t dream big enough.  It’s obvious.  What I pray and hope for is usually blown out of the water.  What I doubt and worry over ends up working out in the end.  I’m so grateful that my puny dreams and ideas don’t limit God.  It’s like He’s saying, “Is that all you’ve got?”  I go back to a verse of Scripture Jonathan read the other night before bed:

Psalm 81:10b - Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.

How wide?  Wider than possible, apparently.  No matter how wide I open my mouth to receive His blessings He overflows me once again.  Maybe this is the way it should be.  But I do press forward in the attempt to stop underestimating God.  I want to throw out my human logic and trust Him for what I think is impossible.  He’s proven Himself Almighty and faithful.  And I believe.

I won’t mention any names but this is all one of our partner’s fault.  The other day he said to us, “I can’t believe you’re so calm.  I can’t believe you’re not so excited you’re jumping out of your skin!  I wouldn’t be able to sleep.”

And now I can’t sleep.

Actually I do sleep through the night.  It’s just hard to actually go to bed because I don’t feel sleepy and every morning by 6am I’m wide awake. 

There’s so much going on but that’s not really what I’m thinking about.  I’m just plain excited.  Now that the tickets have been purchased and we know exactly when we’re leaving, what our itinerary is, and exactly when we’ll arrive it feels like a done deal and I’m beginning to really anticipate it. 

So for a girl who likes to sleep and doesn’t do well with less than 8 hours, it’s crazy to me that I went to bed around midnight last night and my eyes flew open at 6:00 this morning.  At least today I have the time to nap - whether I actually do it or not though is a different question.

So thanks to our partner, and he knows who he is.  We only have a couple months of sleeplessness to look forward to.