Control Freak in Chaos

I’ve been trying to avoid talking about baby, baby, baby all the time.  That’s why I’m not blogging as often.  Because all my thoughts right now are on baby so if I’m not going to write about that, I’m not going to write at all.  It’s just “time” all the sudden and my planning is in high gear.  But soon, hopefully, I’ll balance back out.  I think.  I hope. 

So, instead of trying to figure out something else to post about I’ll let you know what we’ve decided/done lately.  Well.  The more interesting of the things we’ve been doing anyway…

We have decided on how to contact everyone when we go to the hospital and when Asher is born.  Keep your eye on the website and blogs.  That’s where we plan to post the exciting news!  :)  We will also email updates to our “prayer partners” so if you’d like to be added to that list, let me know.

Other than that, among other decisions, we’ve been washing baby clothes and picking out what we need to have ready for him.  Today I bought his coming home outfit.  It’s blue and brown argyle in a sweater material.  Very sweet but still very much boy. 

This week is full of childbirth classes.  Tonight is “positive parenting” where I guess we learn how to take care of the baby so I’m expecting information on how they should sleep (on their backs), how to bathe them, etc, etc, etc. 

It’s been busy but I think we’re coming to the end of “preparing”.  I hope so.  I’m ready to just “wait”.  I’ll get a lot more rest!

Well, it has begun: the nesting instinct.  Of course, I’m a planner so is it a natural phenomenon or just me?  Could be either.  Or both.  Asher is, in fact, due 4 weeks from Friday and I’m technically considered full-term then as well.

I have my trusty notepad next to me so I can continue to make my list.  Lists.  All the sudden the birth seems just around the corner. 

We’re washing baby clothes and blankets.  We have newborn baby clothes folded away in our closet.  There is a baby wipe warmer on our dresser.  My hospital bag and the diaper bag are already getting packed up.  The baby seat is in the car (but not checked yet).  The stroller is in the back of the car waiting to be used.  Gifts Asher has received so far are in the sunroom sorted by age and place of use (here versus Africa). 

And even with all that done and a list prepared I can’t help but stay busy.  I have 3 books going - about nursing, babies, and birth.  I guess I think I’ll feel more prepared.  Even if it’s placebo effect I’ll continue.  Nothing wrong with being too informed I would think.

We have 3 more childbirth classes this week:  infant CPR, breastfeeding, and baby care.  Jonathan has a father class next week.  Over the next few weeks we have a few trips to Charlotte planned.  Hopefully those go off without a hitch and then our bundle arrives.  But no matter when exactly he gets here, I’m excited to meet him.

Now, back to building our little nest. 

If not for our insistence that things be the way we want them to be, we would be happy most of the time.  ~Richard Carlson, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”

…or sleet or snow…  We’re leaving for Charlotte again.  We have lots planned.  Errands, lunches, dinners, visits with 2 Sunday school classes, and 2 baby showers.  I’m so excited and since the forecasters blew the last forecast and we cancelled our plans due to them I don’t care what they say this time!  Then we come back Sunday just in time to tour the hospital’s birthing center and hear about baby car seats.

I have a feeling I’m going to need some of that alone time on Monday… 

I really like being alone.  I don’t know why and it makes me sound so unsociable.  I’m really not.  I guess it’s just part of my personality and sometimes I even forget I need this kind of time.

Jonathan left a few minutes ago for his doctor’s appointment (it’s Wednesday afternoon).  Once he was gone I looked around and thought, “Okay.  I need to clean up our lunch dishes and do my Bible study homework.”  I would do the same thing if he had stayed here but I think it would have felt differently.  When I started doing my little chores I felt a sense of relaxation… release… peacefulness… 

And I love to be with Jonathan.  We’re together all the time and if we’re apart too long I go through withdrawals.  And it’s not like I want to be alone 24/7 but when I do have some of that kind of time here and there I am better when I am around people or in crowds.  (Crowds are the worst for me.  I prefer to be one-on-one with people.) 

Having that moment of feeling “all by myself” made me want it on a more consistent basis.  Maybe my last few weeks of pregnancy should include a good half hour a week or something of just being alone.  I feel like it clears out my head and emotions.  It’s a very hard feeling to explain but most other introverts can relate, I’m confident.

But my question is this:  After Asher comes, how long will it be until I have any alone time again?  Hmmm…

Yesterday’s Oprah show was on quitting smoking, which, of course, I don’t need.  But it was interesting anyway.  Dr. Oz was on there with his plan on how to “breathe free” and he said something very interesting:

“America’s number one problem is that we’re not comfortable being uncomfortable.”

He said that in relation to why people who do quit end up relapsing.

Now I don’t know if it’s America’s number one problem but I definitely see this characteristic in our culture.  It shows up in many different ways:

- All the “convenience” items invented here

- Remote controls for everything

- Wanting the front parking space, even at the gym

- Desire for immediate gratification

- Credit Card debt

- Diet pills instead of good ol’ eating right and exercising

- Focus on entertainment, relaxation, and luxury

- Addictions and bad habits

- Obesity

- Depression and the need for therapy

- The “service” industry (dog grooming, diaper service, spas, etc.)

- Automatic devices and technology

- Everything “at our fingertips”

- Discontentment

And the list goes on and on.  As I posted earlier I am an emotional eater and saw this in myself when I was in Africa as well.  I think the doctors statement may have touched on where emotional eating even comes from.  I mean, what a tragedy that I would ever feel discomfort.  Better treat that with my favorite comfort food. 

Even transitioning to Africa overall is hard when you’re uncomfortable being uncomfortable.  Our friends who have come from other places like Switzerland or Germany don’t have near the problems adjusting that Americans tend to have.  We end up giving up much more as far as convenience and luxury than they do.  They used a communal washing machine, never had a dryer, and didn’t own a car - so what’s the need for any of that anyway?  Eeeks.  So us adjusting to the lack of these things along with “over-the-top” stuff like dishwashers, automatic water/ice dispensers on the fridge, and microwaves really makes us look spoiled.  And I guess we are.

What I need to keep in mind when I go back is that when I do feel uncomfortable it’s not the end of the world.  My brain, body, and emotions may tell me it is.  But it isn’t.  It will pass.  I will adjust.  And I don’t need mom’s mashed potatoes to get me through it.  Because when I think I do need comfort food to get me through the discomfort of adjusting but that food isn’t available, it can lead to more discomfort along with frustration and almost a feeling of sadness. 

I have discovered many things about myself from my time in Africa and being around other nationalities.  The biggest one up until now is:  I am SO American!! 

Well……..  The best laid plans - hmmm.  It looks like the weather may interrupt our trip to Charlotte this weekend.  We’re still up in the air about it but our Sunday morning plans have already gotten cancelled.  It’s probably good too because I really think travel that morning will be the worst.  We’ll just have to see if we can drive to Charlotte tomorrow afternoon.  If everything else gets cancelled I hope our hospital tour Sunday night gets cancelled too so we’ll be able to watch the NFL championship games.  Go Giants (although I think Green Bay may have a better chance at winning the Super Bowl than the Giants) and…well…I figure the Patriots will win (and how the Chargers are talking so much junk I’d almost pull for them).  It’s all good though.  It is what it is.  The only challenge is rescheduling what we already have going on but somehow it will work out. 

Well, I’m 34 weeks today and had a doctor’s appointment yesterday.  Everything is wonderful with the baby and pregnancy:

     I gained 2.2 pounds since my last appointment 2 weeks ago.  I’ve heard I should expect to gain about a pound a week from here on out so that’s right on what I should be gaining.  (The holidays ending really helped!)  At the rate I’m on, if I go to 40 weeks, I will end up gaining about 25 pounds and they recommend 25-35 so I’m still doing well in this area.

     I measured “beautifully” (that’s exactly what the midwife said).

     The baby’s heartbeat was in the mid-140’s which is good.  She also did a little non-stress test where she moved the baby (by pushing my belly from side to side) and his heart rate increased as it should have.

     Hooray!  He’s apparently a healthy boy in there. 

     But.  There is one problem and one I’d really prefer to just go away.  I have an umbilical hernia.  If you don’t know what that is google it.  I don’t even have it in me to explain it.  For her to determine I had a hernia she poked my belly button then invited Jonathan to do the same.  I DON’T LIKE MY BELLY BUTTON TOUCHED (thank you very much!).  But I lived.  It can be corrected through surgery.  (More touching of the belly button - errr…)  I will have to meet with a surgeon (who will probably poke my belly button to confirm the hernia diagnosis - sheesh) who then will tell me my options, the best time to have the surgery, what happens if I don’t have it corrected, etc, etc, etc.  I really don’t know if I’ll be able to get it done before heading back to Africa but that’s something to think on later.  I read stories from women online whose doctors told them not to get it repaired until they’ve had all their children so if that’s the best way to do it I’d wait anyway.  It’s nothing urgent or anything.  I just hate it happened.  Ick.

     So that’s the only bad news.  I’m more elated over my healthy baby than I am worried over this stinkin’ belly button problem.  It’ll work out one way or the other.  I’m starting to catch onto this whole “God knows beforehand, loves me, and takes care of me” thing.  No need to worry.  He already has all this worked out.  So I’ll just wait until the time comes and see what to do about it then.  Today I simply rejoice in this new life “baking” in my tummy.

I’ve recently begun attending a Beth Moore Bible study at a local church.  It’s her new one called “Stepping Up” and it goes through a series of Psalms called the Psalms of Ascent. 

It’s about going to the next level with God.  On the video tonight Beth Moore was talking about how we react when someone makes us angry or hurts our feelings.  She said that we should take the high road instead of getting on that low road with that person.  We may want to react in our emotion and fight dirty but we need to step up from that.

I was reminded of something a pastor said in one of his sermons:  “Don’t play in the mud with the pigs.  You’ll both get dirty but only one of you will like it.” 

Well put.

I am such an emotional eater.  How I’ve been this way all my life without becoming big as a barn I’ll never know.

Today I’ve been in some sort of a funk.  I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones, a sad book I read today, or just the fact that I’m a woman.  No matter what it is, my reaction made me realize my emotional eating tendency. 

Every time the sense of sadness hit I thought, “I want chocolate,” or, “I want Mexican for dinner,” or “I want a high-carb meal for dinner.”  I mean - carby, ooey, gooey, and yummy.  Because somehow that’s supposed to help…

So where does this come from and how do you get rid of it?  I sure have no idea.  No wonder the food thing was so hard in Africa.  When an emotional eater feels icky in any way they need comfort food.  I’m just going to have to change my comfort food desires from American to African. 

Wait.  I should be getting rid of the tendency to eat instead of feel shouldn’t I.  Right.  That’s what I meant…