Through the Seasons

During our time in Charlotte we saw lots of people so we got asked lots of questions.  I’ll try to remember and answer them again here for everyone’s benefit – especially the ones we got asked the most. 

The question that sticks out in my mind from the weekend is this:  “What did you miss that you didn’t think you would?”

Well, that’s interesting because we had a good idea of what to expect from all of our reading and training classes.  I knew for sure the food was going to be an issue – and it was.  The same goes with church.  Boy how we missed our familiar (and English) services – and Bible studies.  But what did I miss that didn’t even cross my mind beforehand?

Sports.

Crazy, huh!  I’m not a sport junkie or anything.  I didn’t even spend a lot of time watching sports although I must have watched them more than I realize.  But it’s more than the sports themselves.  It’s seasonal.

At the beginning of the year there’s the Super Bowl.  A week or two later the Nascar season starts.  With Spring comes March Madness.  Through summer it’s all about watching the racing season.  My favorite season, Autumn, brings football and the end of Nascar.  Then you have the college bowl games and NFL playoffs. 

I never even thought about how these spread out over a year and always come at the same time.  It’s predictable and constant and more engrained in me than I realized.

When the Fall season began in Tanzania I felt a tremendous urge to hear football.  At least to hear it.  One night we went to the TV room at the campsite and found an NFL football game.  I’ll never forget it.  The Indianapolis Colts were playing the New Orleans Saints – and they were whoopin’ them!  But I watched anyway – just to get the sound of it in my head.  When they came back from commercial they showed an arial shot of the city of Indianapolis and I gasped.  It was such a different scene than what we had been looking at for many weeks and it was downright beautiful.  Watching that game made me want to not only hear football but keep up with it.  We did the best we could and since we’ve been home we’ve been into the college and NFL games.  It’s been fun.

I realize when we go back we won’t have the luxury of watching football or keeping up with it.  It’ll just be something we miss I suppose.  Maybe someone will record the playoffs and Super Bowl for us and send them.  Or maybe not.  Either way, we’ll live.  At least now I know that I will miss sports throughout the year.  I almost want to record a game here now and when it gets to “that time of year”, put it on in the background.  Some listen to music.  I listen to sports. 

On a quick side note.  Jonathan’s answer to that same question was “grocery stores”.  Go figure.

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We had a great trip to Charlotte.  We stayed with friends and were treated like royalty.  (They have a sweet boxer dog too that ignited my love for that breed and even made me consider, although only for a moment, getting one to take back with us.  I figure taking a baby and two dogs back is, for now, enough.) 

I think we ate every meal with someone.  Too bad I’m not supposed to diet right now.  (Yeah right.)  Whew – lots of good food! 

It’s going to be really hard to see everyone we want to see.  I’m afraid some visiting will have to come after the baby arrives. 

Most of today was spent going through the baby stuff we got from a friend.  They gave us a crib, pack and play, clothes, baby bathtub – hmmm – and the list goes on.  Between that and what we’re registered for we should be set to take care of our Asher.  More than set really…

And now I’m pretty exhausted even though it’s only 7pm.  *yawn*  You can probably tell just by my post tonight.  I’ll be better on my toes tomorrow.    Well.  Maybe.

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What was I most scared of when I moved to Africa?  The food.  What ended up being my biggest adjustment area?  The food.  What was I most looking forward to when I came back to the States (outside of seeing people)?  The food.  What hasn’t lived up to the hype?  The food.

I would have cravings like crazy in Africa.  I would dream about familiar food.  I almost cried when I ate at McDonald’s in the Amsterdam airport on the way back.  When I got home it was Christmas so there were extra goodies available.  It was great.  I indulged.  I know I won’t get these things when I return to Africa so I decided not to hold back.  Until I realized I could literally eat this stuff all the time.  That’s not good.  (Because you know I wasn’t craving fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.  )

Since Christmas the sweets have disappeared and the eating has gone back closer to normal – U.S. normal.  I am still enjoying the food here without the extra holiday treats.  I’ve had Mexican and Japanese – two things I just couldn’t wait to have when I returned!  There’s a local “greasy spoon” here that I like so we went there for lunch this week.  I haven’t been to a steakhouse, Cracker Barrel, or an Italian restaurant yet but I’ll get to it… 

The wierd part is – now that it’s normal and available it’s not as much of a draw to me.  And some of the food I craved and then ate (like the greasy spoon) didn’t satisfy as much as I thought it would.  What a downer!  I guess I’ll have to remember that when I get to Africa and have a strong craving.  If I had unlimited access to as much of that food as I wanted I probably wouldn’t give one wit about it anymore.

But even without the desire to eat a little bit (or a lot) of everything I can get my hands on, I find it hard to truly eat “right”.  Now I see why it’s so hard to live in America and not be at least somewhat overweight – even within a culture obsessed with paper-thin women.  It’s like a cruel joke.  We’re going to make good-tasting, fattening food not only available but convenient and we’re going to tell you to be a size zero.  Life’s just not fair. 

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…here we come!

For the first time since we landed at the airport, we’ll be in Charlotte.  There are so many people we want to see – and not only see but spend time with!  If only we had more time.  But we’re excited about being in town, seeing a few people, and visiting Hickory Grove.  We’ll get to see A LOT of people there that we’ve missed!  I just wish we had time to sit down and have a meal with each and every one.    (Not sure why I had to bring food into that – haha!)

It’s weird how I have that nervous excitement about our little weekend trip but when we left Africa one of the things we looked forward to was seeing our friends and we have yet to do that!!!  We had a wonderful Christmas and have spent time with our families so it’s been great.  It just seems like we’ve been home a long time without seeing our friends – although we’ve been in contact with most of course – it’s still not quite the same.  (I guess it wouldn’t be since we can email from Africa too – doesn’t change much.)

So.  Tonight is our second childbirth class (of four).  We’re going to hire a doula tonight for prenatal, birth, and postpartum support.  Then in the morning we get up, get ready, pack a few outfits, and head out.  First stop?  I’m having lunch with a girlfriend and Jonathan’s going to the Apple Store and Wolf Camera. 

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Now that Jonathan has started reading (he goes through books as fast as I do) I have realized that we’re going to go broke if we buy the books we want to read here.  So the other day we went to the library.  Oh what a wonderful thing.  We picked up big handfuls of books.  I do that in a bookstore too.  Then I sit down somewhere, usually on the floor, and pick through them all choosing only the ones I really want to read and/or the ones on sale.  But the fun thing about the library is that I could try books that I wasn’t sure I could even finish, ones from authors I had never heard of, and I could choose many of them.  So I picked out 3 books (one being the autobiography of Billy Graham – it’s a doozy) and Jonathan got 5.  We have 3 weeks to read them.  But no pressure really because… they’re free and we can always check them out again. 

I’ve read blogs of people who have said that they think library books are too “icky” and they prefer new.  Now.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love a new book.  Love, love, love.  And library books really have been flipped through by many people so I guess that is kind of icky.  The book I’m reading now has been dog-eared.  As a book lover, that is a no-no!  But.  It’s worth it to be able to enjoy a book that I would not ordinarily buy, feel no obligation to finish if I don’t like it, and, once again, it’s free. 

Public libraries are a beautiful thing.

And they have other things there too – audiobooks, children’s books, newspapers, magazines, and videos.  Check it out sometime. 

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I am, generally, not a cryer.  Even when I get teary I usually don’t let them fall.  “Suck it up,” I say to myself. 

Many times in the pregnancy emotion has overcome me and I’ve done well to dam up those tears.  But it’s getting a lot harder.  Maybe the tears stay in a reserve somewhere and wait until I just can’t hold them back anymore.  I’m waiting for a flood to happen.  A lot more chokes me up now the later I get in the pregnancy.

At our first childbirth class last week we saw a video of a birth and I got all crazy emotional when the baby was born and put in the mother’s arms.  That’s probably my biggest trigger these days.

I also got extremely teary and almost lost it when I saw one of my baby shower invitations that included this verse:  “I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.”  ~1 Samuel 1:27  Leave it to my friends to pick the perfect Bible verse.

This morning I read this Psalm:  “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children are a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.”  ~Psalm 127:3-5  Even by myself I didn’t really let myself cry.

I wonder if my holding back is why I had a dream last night in which I cried and cried and cried and cried.  It has to come out somewhere I guess.

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At our first Lamaze class, the instructor said that we would really miss feeling our babies move inside of us.  I wonder if I really will.  Sometimes it’s more than just a little uncomfortable – it’s painful!  (Watch those ribs!  And the bladder!)  It’s also often now, especially when I lay down to rest or sleep.  And honestly as much as I love being close to the baby some of the movements sort of creep me out, like when he feels like he’s rolling around.  Whew!  It’s definitely a strange feeling! 

So I went through all these thoughts the day after our class.  The next morning when I woke up the baby wasn’t moving.  At all.  Freaked me out!  I got up, ate, walked around, then laid back down.  There was some movement then but not as much as I’m used to.  Errr…  Later that day he moved a little more.  Now he’s completely back to normal.  Active, active! 

And I’m no longer complaining!

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It is the spice of life… And I’m realizing just how spicy life is here!

In Africa I started getting used to very few items being available. Basically you go to town to get bread. Every once in a while you may be able to choose between brown and white but most of the time you just get a loaf of the bread they have. You go from store to store hoping to find a jar of peanut butter. Any peanut butter. And it goes on from there. Jam, butter, cheese… You just hope they have the item itself in any form (as long as it’s clean).

When I first got back here I had a little list of things I need while I’m here. Two of those things were bedroom shoes and a purse. Do you know how many stores have these things? I could take my pick! And when I did… Sheesh. I went into Kohl’s. They have a bedroom shoe DEPARTMENT. And a whole purse SECTION. It took me FOREVER to make a decision!!! There was simply too much to choose from! Brand. Color. Style. Fit. I could have anything I wanted! The perfect little $10 purse. The perfect pair of fuzzy pink slippers. Wow.

In a way I love the choices but in another way it was just extremely overwhelming. Our first day of shopping I found myself just plain exhausted and my eyes, by the end of the day, were killing me.

We also, wisely, avoided two stores. For Jonathan, we avoided Best Buy. For me, we avoided the Christian bookstore. But now we each have a gift card for those stores so we can go and shop freely. We didn’t trust ourselves to go directly into the midst of temptation that soon after our arrival. We wanted to be sort of used to being back first.

And my first trip to the Christian bookstore was for a gift. The store was extremely crowded, extremely hot, and extremely overwhelming. I think God protected me that day. They didn’t have the item I needed and I was so uncomfortable that I just walked right back out. Next time I go will probably be during the day and I’ll be able to browse more with my giftcard giving me a good spending limit. (I have a little Christmas money too if I do happen to go over…)

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God just amazes me.  There’s really no other way to say it.  We’re supposed to be in awe of Him and honestly I am!

Have you heard about the violence in Nairobi, Kenya?  Go to one of the news websites and check it out.  It’ll be one of the headlines.  It’s just terrible there.  Rioting.  Genocide.  Torching a church full of people who have fled their homes.  Starvation.  Men with machetes.  Looting.  Rising death toll.  Police with tear gas and live bullets that they will go to next.  No one wanting to back down.  They say this is a dark time in Kenya’s history and it really is turning out to be just that.

Our original plan was to give birth in Nairobi.  We would be traveling to that city fairly soon and who knows when this violence will die down – and what it will look like there once the fighting does stop?  There’s no way in the world we could have foreseen this situation so it didn’t play into our decision to come home at all.  God brought to us other reasons we should examine where to have the baby and clearly led us to come home.  Little did we know how extremely important it would be – not just a blessing but a matter of safety – to come to the States instead of Kenya for the birth!

It is so humbling to realize just how limited our knowledge is and it is so comforting to know that He knows ALL.  Not only does He know but is in control.  I am so grateful for His care and guidance in my life.  This is a clear example of Him leading me to where He knows is best for me but I’m sure it happens over and over again without me even being aware of it.  We agonized over that decision so much only to come to this point where we see even more plainly that it was the right call.  There are so many aspects of God that I can see in this one situation:  His sovereignty, guidance, holiness, love, and care…  And I praise Him for all of it!

And I stand in awe.

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From December 14thtoDecember 29th.

I’m a total basket case.  No need to leave comments telling me I’m crazy.  I’m willingly admitting it right up front.

At week 19 in my pregnancy I had gained no weight.  I worried.  The doctor told me the baby was growing, I had been sick, don’t worry about it.

Then at 24 weeks, according to different scales, I had gained 9 pounds.  The nurse said that was impossible.  I agreed.  The doctor in Dar said it was probably the difference in scales and, again, not to worry about it.

At 29 weeks I weighed again in Dar to discover that since the 19th week (and the beginning of the pregnancy) I had only gained about 7 pounds.

A week later I weighed here in the States.  I know what I weighed before I got pregnant and I know I’ll be weighing at this same doctor’s office from here on out so I decided to just go by this and monitor my weight based on this new number – not worrying about what I weighed in Dar.  According to the scales here at 39 weeks I had gained a total of 9.5 pounds throughout my pregnancy so far.  The nurse told me to eat well and that they recommend a 25-35 pound weight gain.  (She also said I should be back down to pre-pregnancy weight within 2 years after giving birth.  That doesn’t seem hard.  Is that hard?  And hopefully I’ll be pregnant again by then and back on this roller coaster.  But.  I digress…)

I read in a pregnancy book to expect to gain a pound a week from now to birth.  At that rate I’d gain about 20 pounds.  (5 pounds less than the recommended.  I figured I would gain 5 pounds right away just from being back in the States and it being Christmas.  But I don’t think that has happened.)  So I got up this morning and weighed.  It has been about 2 weeks since weighing here at the doctor’s office.  I was up 1 pound in those 2 weeks.  But again.  Different scales.  That didn’t keep the worry bug away though.  I kept wondering if the baby was growing well enough and has my belly gotten any bigger, etc, etc.  I know I also can’t not gain weight.  Worry, worry.

Then Jonathan sent me a picture of us taken over the holidays.  He wants to use that on our website instead of the old picture.  My face looks bigger!  So I asked him if my face was bigger and he said, “Maybe a little.”  Maybe a little!?!?  I went on his blog to look at my last tummy picture taken before we left Africa.  My face was SLIM then.  And NOW!?  It’s “a little bigger”.  AAAHHHHH!!!  So then I started thinking I really need to watch what I’m eating and I’m scared of getting fat - and isn’t it terrible to have a fat face?  Errr…  And does the camera lie?  Doesn’t it add 10 pounds or something?  And if so, can it pick a particular place on your body it wants to add that weight?  But of course that doesn’t explain the difference between pics taken in Africa and pics taken here.  Same camera.    Can make-up make you look heavier?  Maybe… surely… that’s it…

So, yes, I am a complete nut job.  In one morning I went from being afraid I’m not gaining enough weight to being afraid I’m gaining too much.  The obsession has begun.  Actually.  It began decades ago.  I doubt it will ever fully stop.  Tomorrow is my doctor’s appointment so they’ll weigh me on those same scales they weighed me on before and check me for swelling so I’ll see for sure what my weight gain is.  Hopefully somewhere between 2 and 5.  Or maybe they won’t tell me at all and I can throw the scale here out too.  Give myself a break…

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