Through the Seasons

Yes.  I have a confession.  I hate politics.  Can I say that?  It feels so…  negative, dark, depressing…  Every time I hear political analysis I always come away with the same thought, ‘can’t we all just get along’?  Ugh.  It doesn’t seem possible, and probably isn’t.  Maybe I should just change my expectations.  So.  Hillary, Obama, McCain, Huckabee….those are the choices these days I guess.  And I do care what happens to the country and I will always vote.  If I could ask them each one question I’d ask them all to say something nice about each of the other candidates without mentioning him/herself.  That’s all.  One nice thing…

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I have never had to pack to go to the hospital.  I’ve never gone to the hospital in a planned way and I’ve definitely never stayed overnight in one.  Eeks.  But in all my preparation, the hospital bag is now packed.  I think I overpacked for Asher but I just couldn’t resist all the cute baby clothes and, as always, I like having a variety to choose from.  You’d think I live more than 5 minutes away from the hospital with no family close by.  If I did forget something or need something I didn’t think of I really do have easy access to it.  Oh well.  I guess I’m a little proud of myself that I didn’t pack everything the lists on the internet suggested.  Look at me thinking for myself.    And now I keep thinking, this could happen any day.  My due date is a week from Friday so there’s a good chance I become a mother next week!  AAAHHH!!!  Heehee…  Am I more scared or excited?  I’m not sure…

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And I’m not ready.  I think I’m ready.  Or maybe a better way to say it…  I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

There have been various times during the pregnancy that I’ve thought, okay, I’m not so comfortable anymore.  But then I kind of get used to the feeling and move on. 

My due date is a week from Friday and I’ll go ahead and say it.  I’m downright uncomfortable.  There have actually been moments that I’ve felt miserable.  But only a few moments.  It’s not all the time.

The only ways I’m uncomfortable really is getting in and out of the car, walking sometimes (but not always), and sleeping (again, not always).  It seems to happen when he’s laying a certain way in there – right on a nerve or something.  I guess he’s just getting heavy and I’m getting a little bit tired of carrying him around.  It’s Jonathan’s turn I think.

So that makes me ready and the fact that I’ve been pregnant almost 9 months now.  I’ve read and researched.  We’ve gotten gifts and washed baby clothes.  We’ve done about everything we know to do.  Now we wait.  Patience is not something I’ve been blessed with an abundance of…so…I’m ready.  But I wouldn’t rush it.  When the time is right it will happen.  These feelings of anticipation, I’m sure, are just part of the experience of pregnancy.  I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again.  I’m excited to meet Asher.

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Now I don’t take too much new-agey stock in aromatherapy and all that jazz.  There isn’t a smell that will take me to new spiritual levels or put me in touch with my inner-child or anything of that sort.  But there are some smells that really make me feel different, some that help me recall an old memory (say cookies baking or the ocean), and others that remind me of a certain time of year (pumpkin spice, pine).

One of the smells that makes me feel good is hard to describe but if you’ve ever been to a Day Spa you know the one I’m talking about.  It’s the smell of getting a massage, drinking a cold glass of water in a robe and pedicure slippers, steam sifting into the air during a facial… 

Since I’ve been home I’ve been shopping for lotion with that smell but with no success.  A few years ago I had a lotion like the one I want.  It’s slightly higher in price than something you can get at Target or Linens-n-Things so I’ve looked hard elsewhere.  Finally tonight I broke down and ordered the one I want from an online store.  I got free shipping and a free gift with it which somehow made me feel more justified in my splurge.  I’m excited to have that lotion (and body wash) in Africa with me.  Can you say, “Calgon, take me away?” 

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I don’t know what’s going on!  I’ve been monitoring my swelling (well, my lack of swelling) by how my wedding ring still fits.  Occasionally, I’ll slip it on and off a few times to make sure it feels normal. 

Today (Sunday), Jonathan and I had our last baby shower.  They served snacks and sweets.  I ate a little of each thing.  Then I went to a friend’s wedding shower.  They served snacks and sweets.  I ate a little of each thing.  I didn’t eat enough to be stuffed so it wasn’t the quantity but quality of my eating that made me feel icky.  I just felt like I had eaten junk.  So I got home to watch the end of the Daytona 500.  My parents served snacks and sweets.  I was hungry by then so I ate things like raw veggies, cocktail weanies, and french fries.  I was tired of sweets so stuck to more snacky food.  Ugh.  Maybe I should have just had a salad…

So as the night has gone on, my fingers have begun swelling.  My ring is now snug.  YIKES.  I don’t want to outgrow my ring!  I don’t want to be swollen!  I don’t want to gain anymore weight!  I’m also really hot so that could make me swell a bit as well.  Between the salty food and the heat, I may have to drink a gallon of water to get over this.  Hopefully watching what I eat this week will keep me from swelling up here at the end of pregnancy.

As fun as eating this American food again has been I think I’m kind of tired of it.  Splurging on fattening food does get old after a while.  I just can’t live like that.  I’m ready to start eating like a normal person again.  Back to fruits and veggies.  Goodbye McDonald’s.

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We’ve had to make more decisions about the birth and the events surrounding it than I ever imagined.  I’m glad we took the classes and got our minds prepared for what labor and delivery is like including the before, during, and few weeks post-partum. 

One of the things most important to us is the birth experience itself.  We’ve written a birth plan explaining our preferences regarding intervention and drugs.  We’ve also informed everyone we need to inform at this point and will take a copy of our plan to the hospital with us.  Although nothing is guaranteed, at least we have given thought to the possibilities and what we’d like to see happen.

Another big deal to us is who is in the room with us during the actual birth of Asher.  We decided that only the 2 of us and the medical staff can be in the room.  The hospital itself makes sure there’s no one in the hallways lingering around.  (Visitors have to wait in the waiting room until invited into the room, per hospital policy.)  So that will give us the privacy and time to go through this experience and prepare before having others join us.  Also, during my “nursing lessons” and “first attempt(s)” it’ll just be the 2 of us and the medical staff.  I sure don’t need an audience for that! 

We’ll also be laying low the first 2 weeks after the baby is born to transition and bond.  Apparently this is very important and we’ve been advised again and again by various sources to take this time for ourselves as a new family. 

After that, who knows what life will look like.  We’ll just be taking one day at a time…

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This is it.  Our last trip to Charlotte – or anywhere else, for that matter – until Asher is born.  We’re doing our final visits with people and Sunday school classes before settling down close to the hospital as he could come anytime now.  When we get back it’ll be about a week and a half from my due date. 

I’m excited about this trip mainly because a friend of mine is getting married in April and this is her wedding shower.  It should be fun and it’s just such a special time for her that I’m happy to be a part of it.  Of course I did say, in my best redneck voice possible, “Who plans their wedding shower without looking at the year’s racin’ schedule?”  Because tomorrow is also the Daytona 500 – woo-hoo…  But if a friend is less important than a race she really wouldn’t be a friend at all would she? 

So that’s our weekend – visiting people and groups, showering a friend, catching the end of the race (the most important part anyway), then settling in to: a) finish preparing for Asher’s arrival (hopefully there won’t be too many loose ends that reveal themselves; we feel as ready as possible) and b) wait…

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…I thought I was sooooo big here (at 14 weeks, 3 days pregnant):

…but I know I’m just ginormous here (at 37 weeks, 3 days pregnant):

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“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me.  Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person.  Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of.  Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”     ~Author Unknown

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When Jonathan and I got married we marveled at how we had become one.

Last night he said to me, “We’re soon going to be three.  It’s no longer just going to be us.”

And it made me sad. 

It didn’t make him sad.  He’s ready for that new phase of life and don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about it too.

But I just hadn’t really thought of it to that extent…or…it was the way he said it.  I’m not sure but it really struck me.  Soon we will have a little one with us all the time.  Of course, we’ll do things on our own some here and there but I’ve seen parents out without their kids and they don’t lose that sense of family.  They miss their kids.  It’s not really just the two of them hanging out together anymore like it was before the little ones arrived.

I’ve seen this whole thing as a new beginning, forgetting that it is also an ending.  I want to really cherish my “only us” time with Jonathan now.  Then when Asher arrives I’ll embrace the new life we have together as a family. 

As ‘one’ becomes ‘three’…

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