Through the Seasons

Perfectionism tells me that:

I have to always make the right decision.

I can never make a mistake.

I can’t let my guard down.

What I realized today is that if I’m living this way I’m living in faith of myself (so no wonder I get nervous!).

The Bible tells me that:

God is in control

God is faithful

God is good

God loves me

God is all powerful

God is all knowing

No wonder the life of faith in Him is a life of rest!  I am not to be anxious but to rely on God!  He is my shield and protector and strong tower!

Most importantly, and worth repeating, God is in control (not me)!

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Genesis 2:9a, “And out of the ground the LORD God made to spring up every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food.”

Genesis 3:4-7, “But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die.  For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’  So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.  Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.  And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.”

Notes from my ESV Study Bible:

“The serpent contradicts God and goes on to present the fruit of the tree as something worth obtaining.  The serpent speaks half-truths, promising much but delivering little.  Their eyes are indeed opened, and they come to know something, but it is only that they are naked.  They know good and evil by experience, but their sense of guilt makes them afraid to meet God; they have become slaves to evil.

Like the other trees in the garden, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was ‘pleasant to the sight and good for food’.  The irony is that somehow the serpent has made the woman discontent with the permitted trees, focusing her desire on this one.  Its deadly appeal to her, apparently, is its ability to make one wise – wise, however, not according to the ‘fear of the LORD’.”

So not only does the serpent say that God is not to be trusted, he also suggests that He is holding out on Adam and Eve.  As is with temptation, the sin doesn’t live up to the promised benefits and is actually destructive.  At the time a sinful desire rises, I can’t imagine following through isn’t the best thing for me but afterward the guilt and letdown always follows.  When will I believe, truly believe, that what God has for me is what is best for me?  He gave Adam and Eve a garden full of trees that were pleasant to the sight and good for food but they weren’t content with that.

Reading this passage this morning made me sorely aware of how much I take for granted the many wonderful things God has given me and instead focus on that one thing I don’t have and especially if that one thing I don’t have is the same thing someone else does have.  I am tempted to think God is not to be trusted that He works all things together for my good.  I am tempted to think He is holding out on me and therefore isn’t as wise about my life as I am.  I am tempted to want more than what I have been given instead of resting in gratitude for His abundant grace in my life.  I all too quickly forget that He doesn’t owe me anything.  What blessings He has poured onto me apart from me meriting or deserving them but only as a testament to His love, mercy, grace, and goodness!

Ephesians 5:18b-20, “…be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ”

James 1:17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

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Last night Jonathan and I decided to look at the churches that others have recommended and choose one to try.  It is fairly close-by and the service is reasonably short (about 2 – 2 1/2 hours).

The service is basically choirs, congregational singing, announcements, choirs, offering, choirs, sermon, choirs, congregational singing.  It is lively but not too much so.  By the grace of God, Asher did really well.  There were 3 little kids in front of us so he was interested in them.  He never left our pew (because we wouldn’t let him) and he just ate, looked at the Bible, and took in the people and activities around him.

The way offering works here is that you walk up front and put money in a box.  We had Asher give as well but I didn’t count on him crying about having to leave it there.  I figure he’ll get used to it after a few times.

We’re excited too because communion is next week.  That should be interesting to see what it’s like.  Apparently it’s a separate service.  This is something we miss a lot so we’re looking forward to it.

After church we ate lunch then walked over to our guard’s house to return the containers they brought food in on Christmas Day.  Oh but there was no dropping them off, chatting a few minutes, then leaving.  They were so happy that we came to their home that they wanted to serve us food.  We told them we already ate but they wouldn’t hear of it.  So we enjoyed our eggs, chapati, and soda.  Oh and Asher had a good time playing with their kids who range from about 4 to 7 years old.  When they weren’t running around chasing each other they were trying to teach him Swahili.

The odd thing is that they sat us down by ourselves with the food and left us to it.  Isn’t that something!?  While we were there they had two other guests come by.  They both asked us for money.  That’s something too.  It’s hard to know how to handle the requests but we don’t usually do things impulsively.  One request was from a church (wanting to buy audio equipment) and the other was from a girl who we know.  I missed the situation of the girl and now hope to see her again to find out what problem she’s having.  Hopefully God will supply another opportunity if it’s His will for us to help further.  We did give her the little bit of money we had on us but depending on what’s going on it may not have been enough.

All in all it was a good day.  I thank God that He has given us a church to go to and a way to be able to attend.  I am so grateful that I was able to actually be in the service and not just chasing Asher around outside.  It was a very pleasant experience.

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I have been praying lately that God would so fill me up with love that it would pour out onto those around me – that His love would pour out – not that I would somehow conjure it up on my own.  I have based these prayers on:

Romans 5:5, “and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Ephesians 3:17-19, “so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

John 15:4-5, “Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

And part of the fruit of the Spirit is love.  The love He has called us to is a sacrificial love.  My online dictionary states that sacrifice is “an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy”.  This really helped me to zero in on what Christ’s love for us looks like and how my love for others (including enemies and those who hurt me!) will be.

It’s important for me to remember that I will be giving up something I value.  It’s okay for me to recognize and acknowledge that I really do value and want to hold onto the thing I should let go of.  I have really been praying for this to become a reality in my life and I have seen improvements a little each day.  Yesterday I was put to the test and I thank God He is a God of mercy and grace (read: God of multiple chances).

Yesterday was Christmas Day.  I admit I value this day and the traditions that it entails.  Our plan was to be all alone as a family and enjoy each other.  Our guard came by that morning while we were opening gifts and skyping with my parents.  He was bringing the daily supply of milk from the milkman (the man in the neighborhood with a cow).  Okay so I wasn’t thrilled with the timing but it was really no big deal.  We ended up giving him the milk because we have too much right now and we knew his family could use it.

While he was here he asked us over for a meal.  We told him (as we told our househelp as well) that we’d like to spend Christmas Day at home relaxing as a family but thank you for the invitation – another day would be better.  We also told him to come back later to get more milk (because we really had way too much).

This brings us to Asher’s nap time.  This is my time each day to have a bit of silence and to rest or focus on myself (usually by reading) and definitely something I value.  But not only was this Asher’s nap time but it was his nap time on Christmas Day.  Double values going on here!  No sooner did he fall asleep and I sit down than I heard a knock on the door.  Gah!  So ignored it.  I did.  I admit it.  Then I sat down to read my Bible.  I’ll let you in on something.  It’s no fun reading the Bible at the same moment you’re feeling convicted.  BUT!  (And this is an important point.)  God is abounding in mercy, forgiving, and slow to become angry.  He is approachable!  So I asked His forgiveness for such selfishness.  (Honestly how long would it have taken for me to give him more milk!?  I seriously just didn’t want to be bothered.  And it’s harder to admit these things to you than to God since He saw it in the first place and has the ability to cleanse me.  But it’s true and leads to good stuff so we continue.)

I let it go because to sit in guilt is wrong.  There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.  I moved forward and asked God for an opportunity to make it right – then I totally forgot about it.

Fast forward to last night as we were finishing up our dinner.  A knock at the door and this time our guard and his wife.  Um.  Gah!  This is major entertainment of people – not just handing someone milk!  Egads!  But do you know what!?  In God’s grace I didn’t even get irritated!  I didn’t even get irritated! This is amazing!  God enabled me to show His love.

We sat and talked.  We had tea.  We skyped with my parents to show them what that was all about.  And I even had a desire come up in me to go visit his wife in the future.  And I can tell you that is from God Himself!

The most humbling fact of all is that they brought us a huge, expensive gift.  They brought sodas, cooked chicken, and pilau rice with beef in it.  I can tell you that it is a rare treat for a Tanzanian family to have any one of these:  chicken, beef, rice, or spices.  But this family put all of these together into a meal for us.  Goodness.

Oh and his wife also offered to wash our dishes.  There were many.  I was a bit embarrassed but that’s coming from an American perspective and I know she genuinely wanted to help.  But, of course, I didn’t let her.  I can only go so far – haha!  Oh and the exciting thing is that she is pregnant.  I’m pretty positive.  She wouldn’t say because people don’t talk about such things but I think so and I asked how her health was and she said “okay” but not yet “really good”.  It must be pregnancy related.  (This would be her fourth child.  She had a miscarriage several months ago so it’s wonderful to see her pregnant again.)

So now I just pray that God would guide me in how to help or love on this family and enable me to accomplish His purposes.

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Pastor Matt Chandler of The Village Church recently had a seizure.  They found a brain tumor and it has now been discovered malignant. I just imagine him going about his life and one day it all changes.  What a shock that must have been!  He’s a young man with three small children which somehow makes it more unexpected.

It’s so easy to take life for granted, especially when you’re young (read: under 80).  It’s so easy to plan and work and think and react as if life on earth is eternal.  I’m ashamed to admit there are times I get frustrated by the smallest things.

James 4:13-16 says:

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’ – yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life?  For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’  As it is, you boast in your arrogance.  All such boasting is evil.”

But how many times do I find myself boasting in just this way?  Today I am going to do this and that.  This week I am going to do this and that.  Next week I am going to do this and that.  Next year I am going to do this and that.  (And if I don’t get to do the things I planned out then I reserve the right to be highly annoyed.)  The passage says this is arrogance.

According to my online dictionary, arrogance is having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.

Yes.  That clears it up.  That is what I’m doing.  Who is in control here – me or God?  Who makes it possible for me to “do this or that”?  Who gives me life each and every minute?

Only by the grace of God do I, the brief mist that I am, continue before my little time here is up and I  vanish…which makes the next verse in James a biggie for me:

“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”  ~James 4:17

Lord, may I live the next moment you give me by glorifying, loving, and thanking You.  Focus my mind on the truly important things in life.  Set my sight on the right thing to do and embolden me to do it.  Amen.

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What a warning this Tiger Woods thing sends to me!  I can’t help letting the reality of it spin through my mind.  It really brings home to me what is important in life.  Success?  Money?  Fame?  Praise from people?  Oh boy.  How quickly it can all be gone.  What a high price to pay for fleeting pleasures.

And these don’t have to be the same ones sought after by Tiger Woods.  I have my own temptations.  What temporary desires will I seek while trading in that which is so much more important?

I was studying the Bible yesterday about love and came to the verse about faith, hope, and love but the most important being love.  How many times I’ve read that with sentimentality!  Ah.  Love.  How sweet.

But it hit me!

Love endures.  It is everlasting.  One day we won’t need our hope or faith anymore because they will be fulfilled!  But love.  We will always have love.

Which brings me back to what love is greater than.  A clean house.  A scratched off to-do list.  A fulfilled schedule.  If I do all these things but have not love I have wasted my time.  I am dealing with the temporal instead of the eternal.  This is not a wise use of my time, treasures, and talents.

The scriptures say to be rooted and grounded in love.  Everything comes out of love.  It bears all things.  It hopes all things.  It believes all things.  It endures all things.  Love never ends.

I pray that I can even begin to live this way.

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I guess we’re about halfway through our Advent Calendar and I’m realizing that many of my activity ideas were a bit ambitious with Asher being just under two.

Like the day I spent all day making ONE (not many like I had hoped) orange and cloves ornament.  Why had I forgotten that this was NOT fun but painful?  And while I pierced clove after clove into my orange Asher just tried to eat them.

I’m taking it all in stride though.  You try these things and some fail while some succeed.  And next year he’ll be more into it all and will be able to better participate.  And the fun times are great and giving me many memories of this Christmas that I can cherish forever.

Some of the things he has enjoyed are decorating the tree (if throwing the ornaments around counts), making a “stable” out of a sheet and chairs, coloring on Advent coloring pages (found online), and watching Christmas shows.

He really enjoys our Jesse Tree time in the evenings too.  After Jonathan and I have finished dinner (while Asher is still eating since he takes much longer than we do) Jonathan reads the day’s Scripture passage which Asher merely tolerates but then we sort through the symbols and pick the one for the day and hang it on our Jesse Tree and that, for Asher, is worth hearing daddy read…and read…and read…for what seems to a two year old like way too long.

Overall it’s been a good Christmas season for us, even if a bit too hot.  Less than 2 weeks to go!

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Here are some pictures of our Christmas decorations.  We have since received a couple packages and have added a bit but this is a pretty good start, right?  The tree is borrowed from furloughing missionaries.  It came with the garland and lights.  We’re very thankful for it!

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