Through the Seasons

That’s right!  He has started smiling.  No.  It’s not gas.  He’s been smiling in his sleep for weeks now but just recently he began smiling in response to us.  Here Jonathan is saying, “Hey you beautiful boy.”  Each time he does, Asher flashes a big smile as if to say, “I really am beautiful, huh!”  And that he is.

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We arrived back to Hickory safely last night after a busy week of traveling and seeing friends and family.  Although tired, we did pretty well.  Asher – not so much…  He seems to like his familiar surroundings, his routine, and a low-key environment.  Yikes – this is sounding too familiar.  I’m hoping spending today here at his first home relaxing with mommy and daddy (that’s me and Jonathan – I know – weird) will help him recover from the long, action-packed week and will provide better sleep for all of us tonight.  I’m also hoping the doctor visits (he and I both have one) tomorrow don’t throw him off all over again.  At least I can totally relate to his way of thinking. 

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is grand!

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I had Asher 4 weeks ago today!  (Ah – how time flies!)

We have less than 4 weeks left in the States.  (Ah – how time flies!)

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I realize now that I have given the impression that Asher cries a lot.  I should clarify.

I’ve been asked if he’s a good baby.  Of course he is.  No matter what.  If it were true he screamed all the time he’d still be perfect because his fussiness isn’t his fault.  He’s just trying to tell us what he needs.  If he didn’t cry at all, we’d never know to help him.

But he doesn’t scream all the time.  I’ve never been around babies so I didn’t know what to expect.  I thought it was as simple as him crying and me going through a checklist of possible problems, solving it, and him calming down.  At first, this was not our pattern.  It’s getting better.  He’s starting to trust that we’ll be there to help him.  He doesn’t stay as upset for as long as he used to.

I’ve also been asked how much inconsolable crying he does.  Okay, not much.  I’ll admit that in the beginning I thought he did have inconsolable crying.  I now think he could have been consoled if I hadn’t been clueless.  The answer is usually pretty simple with him.  He loves to be held.  Upright.  On the shoulder.  That’s the solution 90% of the time.  The only time I can’t help him is if he’s gassy.  But it does go away and he does end up feeling better. 

Yes, he does get fussy.  Never, it seems, without reason.  We are all learning how to be a family.  We’re figuring out how to help and care for him.  He’s beginning to understand we’re responsive to his needs.  I’m still disturbed by his crying, especially when it escalates to a scream, but isn’t that the way it should be?  If it didn’t phase me then I’d be worried.

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He’s so small…

so helpless…

so dependent…

but ALL POWERFUL.

One blood-curdling scream and he’s got two full-grown adults scrambling to figure out and meet his every need.

We admit it.  He’s in control. 

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I love Asher Chad McCall with everything I am.  The funny thing is that there’s no reason for it.  I mean, he didn’t do anything to be loved.  He just…exists…and that’s enough.

I imagine, as I never have before, that God loves us that way.  Now isn’t that just amazing.  I’ve heard it a million times.  We don’t do anything to earn God’s love.  It’s not what I do but who God is – my Creator and love itself.  All I have to do is exist and He loves me.  How encouraging.  What a relief. 

Of course, He’s not going to love everything I do and He’s going to discipline me.  But.  That doesn’t touch the love He has for me.  That’s sealed up tight and untouchable.  It just is. 

He loves me.

More than I love Asher.

Wow.

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